22. Recommended Reading...

Let me know your feedback or just email me in general at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

21. Practice Makes Perfect

I am always suprised when women say to me that they treat their partners badly because they can.

"He lets me get away with it but it doesn't really matter as I'm not that into him anyway"

Okay.. Apart from sounding like a complete bitch, the problem is this.

Learned behaviour.

If you treat someome badly, even if you think its ok because they are not your one, this bad behaviour will become second nature. And you will not know how to behave appropiately when you meet your soul shaker.

Need further proof?

A friend of mine dated a guy for a few years. He was a bad dresser, pretty chubby and his jokes were bad. However he loved her and would keep coming back for more every time she didn't answer his calls for days, was rude to him in front of her friends and just generally put him down all the time.

Eventually they broke up when she met someone else -someone that rocked her world. Problem was, she didn't know how to act in front of her friends with this new man.

One night, after a dinner out, her new boyfriend drove her home. "I won't be coming inside" he told her. "I don't think we should see each other anymore" She was shocked.

There is no excuse for bad behaviour. Spend the rest of today practicing being good to your guy - even if he is only Mr Right For Now.

20. Weight Punching

Men do it too, however, this blog isn't about beauty. Its about beliefs and bank balances.

I've mentioned before that your partner should be your equal.

Having a partner that is less intelligent, who earns less and has less of a life goal than you, makes something (ie a relationship) that is already tricky, trickier.

If you are an Executive Manager and your boyfriend is a front line staff member, whilst that is all very "love knows no boundaries" of you - it will struggle to work well.

If you don't have approximately the same money in your bank acccount, then you cannot afford to go to the same types of places without someone else (for the purpose of this blog, the woman) always having to foot the bill.

This is bound to lead to resentment on her behalf, which when I know women, will escape in a very crazy way. (objects thrown, irrational fights about clean sinks etc)

Likewise for beliefs, ie if your man believes that the Cronulla Sharks were just boys being boys during the gang rape allegations when you have a much more intelligent grasp on life, then this is also headed to more than just a healthy debate on social issues followed by healthy make-up sex.

Above all, this is not just about being on the same page. The above is not even being in the same book.

Need further proof? I have a friend that we will call Jane. Reccently Jane dated someone none of her friends understood. Her new boyfriend was far less clever, articulate and driven than Jane.

Towards the end of their six month relationship, they took a trip to Kuala Lumper. Excited about this getaway, Jane pictured romantic dinners and days by the pool. The Boyf pictured dinners split 50/50 and every kitsch tourist attraction under the sun. Jane wanted to visit the Thean Hou Buddhist Temples. The Boyf wanted to visit the Hard Rock Cafe. Ensure arguements aplenty.

Without similar beliefs, there is also no similar conversation.(Despite being in an exotic location. facebook features a morose looking couple who you would think, looking at the pictures, took a trip to Wagga).

On the way home, the relationship ended. Although not until Jane had given her ex-boyf $282.50 for the accomodation (50/50..)

All that aside, I think the biggest question here, is why would Jane and 10000's of other women do this? Why would a successful, attractive and clever woman date someone who wasn't any of those?

Answer - Insecurity. (Blog coming soon...)

19. To Err With Love

Girls love to over-analysis everything. And because of this, they often have 500 sometimes irrational issues going through their heads at any one time.

This can be very daunting for a man. Sometimes too daunting.

If this is you, I truly suggest the therapeutic love letter. I also suggest don't send it.

More often than not, the problem is, somewhat, in your head. And something you need to get out of your head and deal with. Often, just putting it down in full sentences, will make your head & your point feel clearer hence helping you move onto getting over it.

Need further proof?

A friend of mine named Stella has been dating a gorgeous man for two years. Not that long ago, she discovered that at the very start of their relationship (way before it got serious) there was an overlap with herself and someone else.

Stella was devastated to find this out and really struggled to cope with it. Her boyfriend could not see what the problem was as he has apologised heartfeltly 100 times as well poiting out to Stella that it was just a few dinners and a movie, nothing serious at all.

As hard as she tried, my friend couldn't get past it. And it would all too often rear its ugly head.

I suggested a letter.

So she penned a heartwrenching explanation of why she was so hurt.

Almost immediately she felt much better.

She told me she was so glad that she didn't instead insist on a "we need to talk" scenario with her man, as when it was on paper, it stood out that it was more to do with her own insecurities, than not trusting her man.

With this new attitude, she spent the $ she would of spent on postage to send this heavy letter and went out a bought a new nailpolish. In a fabulous pink shade to match her new thoughts about herself.

18. Sad Shopping Faces

What are your plans this weekend? Did you just say grocery shopping with your partner and the kids?

STOP!

How tedious is grocery shopping! Add screaming kids, packed shopping centres, money woes, limited time free time and you have yourself a relationship recipe for diaster.

Need further proof? Friends of mine were married for ten years. Happiest couple ever on their wedding day. A couple of years later and sexy dinners out where swapped for shopping trips with the kids. The guy confessed to me when I learnt about his affair and subsquent new relationship, that he started to dread the weekends.

He knew it meant a predictable grocery outing. One where their 3 year old daughter would throw tantrums and people would stare, his wife & he would fight about how to deal with the child, what items to buy, how much money to spend, how hot it was, how often the husband looked at other women who didnt have screaming children, how bad the wifes reverse parking was and so forth.

He met a girl on the internet who listed grocery shopping as a pet-hate.

I don't understand it. Coles and Woolworths deliver right to your front door for $10.00. Even if it was $50.00 its far cheaper than a divorce..

NB - this advice cancels out if you are in a relationship with one of those rare guys who loves grocery shopping.. he probably cooks too right? I hope tonight you took him out for a sexy dinner then.

17. Dear Relationship Doctor...

Below is an email I received from a reader.


I have decided to share with you all incase it benefits

Dear Relationship Doctor

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. He says he no longer loves me. I miss him like crazy - how do I make him love me again?

Jessica

Dear Jessica

Short answer is that you can't. Long answer is you can however make the next few months easier for yourself. And then if you follow my forthcoming Do's and Don't's - the outcome will be either you are back to together or by the time you realise you are not ever getting back together, you won't care.

DON'T

Call him or text him and ask him why more than once? You deserve closure but watch out for the restraining order

Call his family and or friends and ask why

Drive past his house even if in someone else's car

Stalk his facebook

Get your friends to stalk his facebook

Cry to all your friends for any longer than two weeks - one month if the relationship was really long. They may sound sympathetic but secretly they are thinking you need to get over it. You do not need the extra negative energy

Wear his t-shirt to bed. Seriously girlfriend - you don't be dumped as well as start to smell bad

DO

Gather up all his things and things he gave you and store them in a box out of sight. You will know when its the right to look at them and by then you will either want to ditch them or you look at them once or twice fondly. And possibly also think "what was I thinking!!"

Delete him from your phone - nothing more tragic than a 2am angry/tragic/sad texts or a voicemail that just plays Kasey Chambers "Am I Not Pretty Enough!"

Delete him from your facebook - its torture plus. Forget being the bigger person. Delete.

Keep his friends as your facebook friends so they can tell him when you have a new boyfriend or updated a new fabulous profile picture.

Make a mantra playlist on your ipod. A collection of songs that make you will great and strong that you can pump really loud whenever you need. (Songs on my list include; You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrissette, She F***ing Hates – Me Puddle of Mud, Good Riddance – Green Day, I Will Survive – Cake, Used To Love Her – Guns n’Roses (personal fav!!), You Give Love A Bad Name – Bon Jovi

Buy yourself a new outfit, a pedicure, a manicure and a facial. If you are going to be dumped anyway, you might as well look fabulous!

Stay away from all the places you used to frequent as a couple

Self-reflect but don't obsess

Start dating again - resist the urge to go all Anne Frank. Unless you die tomorrow, someone else will hurt you, its life. Might as well have some more fun along the way.

Hope this helps.

Relationship Doctor

16. (S)Mothering

Are you guilty of telling your man not to stay up too late? Do you go to his house and tidy up when he is at work or in the shower? Do you remind him to finish his dinner or he will get sick? Do you criticize  how long he spends on his x-box? Do you remind him when he is out with his friends that its not a good idea to drink so much?

Sexy to be so caring and concerned right? Wrong. It works the opposite way. Let him be. It's very easy for a woman to unknowingly and unintentionally to hurt and offend the man she loves most.

Need an example? Friends of mine, lets call them Andrew and Helen were going to a party. Andrew was driving. After about twenty minutes of going around the same block a few times, it was clear to Helen that Andrew was lost. She finally suggested that he call for help.Andrew became very silent. They eventually arrived at the party, but the tension from that moment persisted the whole evening Helen had no idea of why he was so upset.

From her side she was saying "I love and care about you, so I am offering you this help."From his side, he was offended. What he heard was "I don't trust you to get us there. You are incompetent!"


I suggest you use your natural mothering instinct to instead worry about yourself first and then the state of the economy, climate change, the orphans in Cambodia and whether or not that baby on Packed to the Rafters is going to grow up dysfunctional having such older parents and weird siblings.

If he wants your advice, I guarantee he will seriously ask

Plus just like Carrie Bradshaw beautifully said - "nobody wants to f*ck mean mommy" anyway...

15. Listen Up

How familiar to you is this scenario - your partner comes home from work and announces to you "I've had such a bad day" to which you reply "Me too"

And let me guess - one of your big complaints to your girlfriends is that your boyfriend never wants to talk, like really talk to you?

I don't blame him. You are too self-centered. If your day was that bad and filled with an emergency, then you would have called him.

Wait your turn Little Miss All About You.

And then I guarantee once he has got his bad day off his chest, he'll ask how your day was. And he would have enjoyed that talk and could, maybe, just be keen for another talk soon.

Remember, he is called your partner because you are equals. You don't deserve any more attention that he does.

14. Get Handsy This Hump Day

Need a neat tip to make your man nicer instantly?

Go home tonight and give him a massage whilst he is watching tv. Ask for nothing in return. This doesn't have to require alot of effort - just get him to sit in front of you and massage away the knots from his shoulders. Mix it up with a foot massage if he desires.

Studies show that being hands on promotes bonding between two people more than any long chat or walk in the park holding hands will do. It won't kill you and your partner, who theoretically should be the love of your lif, (otherwise what the f*ck are you doing??) will think nothing but loving thoughts of you.

Need further proof? A man I know, a lothario if you please, dated 1000 women before he met someone and asked her to marry him. Why this woman I asked? He said quite simply "she gave me the best back massage on the night we met. I knew she was my one"

Plus seriously girls - there is something wrong if you don't want to put your hands all over your man. Seriously.

13. Dull Down the Drama

Women love to share private information. They believe that this helps them bond with another. For men - its as scary as hell.

Men are simple folk. Too much drama, sadness, scariness or excitementness (it's a word..) is frankly, too much!

Men like mystery. They do not like hearing your stories about psycho ex-boyfriends, crazed stalkers, sexually aggressive bosses, jealous ex-husbands, unloving mothers or weirdo neighbours until you have been together as a couple for a year and he knows you well. Giving all that up too soon and you will risk coming across like way too much trouble. Men think about how much a woman and her drama will affect their Sunday afternoon relax time and will cancel you out if pushed.

Need further proof?

Someone I know well, received a message from someone else I know well and it said "I think you are one really cool chick and one I want to hang out with. I don't like all this drama" She considered herself warned. Another boy who was less of a wordsmith may just have stopped calling.

12. Cull the Crazy

A wise woman once said that if a woman is sane 95% of the time, then perhaps come crazy has to come out somewhere somehow. Or something like that - to tell the truth I was only half listening as I was the crazy person in question.

You see, today, I was crazy. I sent far, far too many dramatic texts, (of the "I'm never ever talking to you again ever" kind) And I didn't take phone calls when it would have been extremely adult to do so. I am not feeling proud of it and it didn't achieve one single thing except make someone, who perhaps before this outburst thought I was really cool, now just think I am pretty cool.

Regretfully men have long memories for crazy as well. (Mostly because of Lorena Bobbit) Hopefully a three week visit to the UK will dull his memory or at least the cabin pressure during his 22 hr flight could affect it. One can only pray to a god if there is one..

Give this post some thought before your next outburst.. Crazy is not the cool and I guarantee you will end up feeling 100 times worse.

11. Sexting

Chances are unless you are Amish you will own a mobile phone. Chances are also that if you own said mobile phone, you will, at some stage, have given your number to a boy and done the dreaded waiting around for "the sms". Its highly possible that you have waited around more than once even. Here are six sext tips to make this part of the dating dance a little less painful.

1) Be unpredictable! I have a friend, goregous, gorgeous girl. But like clockwork, most evenings around ten pm, she will send a message that says "any news" and nothing else. I am going to admit to ignoring these messages most of the time as they bore me. She doesn't bore me - she is gorgeous. But her message is predicatble and I usually fall asleep reading them. They definantly do not make me want to commence a text volley with her which brings me to the next point.

2) The text volley! Girls are a big fan of the text volley. A marathon text session with the man of their dreams. Best tip I can give re the text volley - stop before they do. It will keep them guessing and wanting more. I always get comments from men when I do this. One went so far as to call me after a few hours to see why I didnt continue the volley. The phone call led to a dinner date and the dinner date led a very nice night indeed!

3) Be Funny and Flirty! SMS stands for short message service. Make 95% of your messages short funny & flirty. Not long winded messages about what you had for dinner and what your friend is going to do about her bad boyfriend and what your mum is going to do about your grandma's bad hip.

4) Don't Over Do It! Don't send more than 5 sms per day. Infact some days, only send one. (unless involved in text sex in which case see next post..)

5) Text Sex! Nothing cooler than a little lewdness when it comes to texting. Although keep it classy as there is always the possibility he will show his mates, plus the written word can have a different effect on people and you want to turn him on, not freak him out! Its also a good build up to action at a later stage.. Start as simply as "I want you bad, hurry home" I guarantee a great response!

6)Keep Him Waiting! Men are hunters. if you respond to every text they send in a timely fashion, they won't want to hunt you anymore. I have been known to wait as long as eight hours to respond to a message even though my phone has been in front of me the whole time. I have a friend that waits several days.

NB - I am well aware that anyone who has been or is currently involved in a textual relationship with me is reading this and laughing.

10. Get Gifty

With Christmas almost upon us, its time for a serious chat about presents!! I am always amazed by girls who cannot get the art of giving gifts right and yet will complain about their boyfriends not spoiling them in return.

Coz in my world, there is nothing acceptable about not wrapping a present, not having a suprise element involved in the present ie (I got Matt new tyres for the Falcon or rather i paid for them and he went and picked them out)or girls who give a birthday or Christmas gift anytime other than the morning of Christmas or their birthday.

Afterall, I would imagine your boyfriend has his birthday on the same day every year and Christmas has been celebrated every year on the same day since the 4th century AD so neither dates are a suprise..

Incase you missed my point; always, always make sure you have a present that is wrapped and ready for your lover on the morning of his birthday or Christmas. Anything else is just laziness. And/or rude.

9. facebook.com faux pas

Do you have a facebook.com profile? Ever been tempted to tell all 307 of your not very close friends how much your partner is making you mad?

Don't do it. It could kill your relationship plus there is NO excuse under the sun you could give me for telling all 307 of your not very close friends private information.

Need an example - I have a friend, lets call her Jane. Jane's boyfriend was fired reccently through no fault of his own.

So she and her boyfriend pulled their two year old out of child care and the boyfriend became the stay at home dad. If that wasn't emasculating enough for Jane's boyfriend - Jane updated her status on facebook to "Jane is worried about having no money for Christmas and hopes her family and friends don't expect much". Jane should expect to be dumped.

facebook is NOT the platform to air anything private about your relationship or your partner may just use facebook to find himself a new and nicer girlfriend. Think before you update. Or it may be all too late..

8. Are You Annonying or Attractive?

This is a posting for those of you who are in a relationship. Probably have been for a year or so. And are wondering why your boyfriend isn't paying you as much attention as he used to. First thing I would do before I start bitching about him to all my friends - some self-relection!! Are you annoying?

I have a friend - lets call her Valerie. Very gorgeous girl! But she is soo annoying and I know her boyfriend thinks so too. Valerie will talk when his favorite tv show is on even when he repeatedly asks her not to. She will whine in a sing song voice "baaaby, get me a drink" whilst lolling about on the lounge. She will furthermore loll about on said lounge in a tatty old dressing gown with her arms and legs flung all over him as he sits perched uncomfortabley on the other end. She will cry at the drop of a hat and commence further whining until he attempts to fix it even when its nothing to do with him. When he takes her to the movies, she will talk all the way through it and when he takes her out to dinner, she will get out of her chair and sit on his lap.

She thinks she is being cute. I know something she doesn't. She isn't being cute - she is being annoying and her boyfriend is looking to meet other women on the internet.

Ask yourself right now - is your behaviour to your partner annoying or attractive? Would you want to spend time with you? I am quite sure not all of you are as bad as Valerie but a few minutes self-reflection won't hurt you and it defintely won't hurt your relationship!

7. Twitter Jitter

The Doctor is now on Twitter too - follow me there..
http://twitter.com/RelationshipsDr

6. Interests Equals Interesting

Are you interesting? What are you interested in? What are your interests? Did you just now answer something like shopping, the kids, the dog, my boyfriend??? ... zzzzzzzzzzz

Get serious!! Shopping is not an interest unless it is shopping for rare eqyptian teapots in far away Arabia. (sounds interesting does'nt it!!) Shopping is something that girls do because they can. Like when men scratch their testicles. So unless you think you would like to date someone who lists scratching his area as a hobby - stop saying shopping is yours.

Need further proof? I have a male friend called Stan who dated a gorgeous girl. Very, very pretty, sweet, great laugh; an all round nice piece of arm candy. And she had a hot figure, big breasts and kept herself in great shape. Stan dumped her. Stan who was on the chubby side and had a massive nose and really was much funnier than he was handsome. And still he dumped her. Why? He met a woman at work. Who was interesting. She was passionate about buying and then renovating houses, snowboarding, climate change, human trafficking, chinese art and breeding siamese cats. Stan's ex-girlfriend was passionate about shopping and Stan.

This weekend - get an interest. Better yet - get three!

NB Kids, i repeat kids, are not an interest. Do I need to repeat the scratching of the balls scenario to you again?

5. Babe Be Gone

I hate the term of endearment "babe". There is nothing at all special about it. Especially when used every five minutes and for everything. "no babe" "yes babe" "ok babe"

Apart from how common it sounds, I also know that whoever is using it, has already used it before. And there is also nothing special in that.

And whilst I understand that my bethrothed once belonged to another - I'd like to think that I am the one that he will stay with forever. Because I made him feel different than any other girlfriend/lover/crush he ever had.

It just doesn't have the feelgood appeal that "beautiful" or "gorgeous" or "hotstuff" has to it.

Also babe is slang for baby. And they are not always attractive.

Stop using "babe" TODAY on your lover. I mean it.

4. Manners Matter

If you think that manners are something you save for your grandma or your boss, then you are wrong.

Nothing sexier than a classy girl, and manners equal class. So stop sending texts to your partner that just say "cool" or 'ok" and mix it up with a little "sounds great gorgeous" - you'll be pleasantly suprised with the response even if he is just saying that he is picking up the kids from school.

On the flipside, research shows that men respond better to straight commands ie "can you take out the rubbish" as opposed to "will you take out the rubbish" - change that to "can you take out the rubbish sexy" and frankly, your man will generally be so excited about being called sexy, that he will just do it!

PS Don't replace sexy or gorgeous for babe. That post is coming. Be prepared for babe to go. Far, far away..

3. Drop Me a Note!

Whilst I am going to be frank in this blog, I am also going to be serious - I really believe that I can offer some sound advice therefore if you have a question and you would like a private answer or you just want to see a blog about something - drop me a line at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!

2. First Food For Thought

Everyone wants to be that dreamy couple where the guy worships the ground she walks on even when the girl is a spoilt, crying, lazy, bratty mess. After all it's what fairytales are built on right? WRONG!! Name the fairytale where the girl acts like a bitch and gets it all her own way? I will go on and on about this as time goes by but I'll let you settle in first.

Which does bring me to another point - Sex and the City. Great tv series. I freaking loved it and own the box set. But it's a tv series - like Monkey Magic. So when Carrie tells you "not to settle for anything else but butterflies" always remember that somewhere on some guy tv series, some Carriesque likes character is telling men that too. Telling them to not put up with girls who don't dress in thier cutest nighties each night, girls that don't keep their legs de-fuzzed and girls that don't send their partners texts every now and then telling them that when they get home from work that night they can't wait to give them the best blow job of their life.

Remember that. Its lesson number one. You are not perfect. Don't fill your head with crap or this New Year's Eve will be crap too.

1. Welcome

This is a blog for anyone who wants a relationship or is in one and wants to save it or wants to fix it or perhaps just make it better. Its for every one of my girlfriends who called me in tears late at night or sent me dramatic texts during the day or even posted woeful messages on their facebook. This is real advice i should have told them then. Hopefully its not too late to help them or you either dear reader.