161. Short Break

The RD acknowledges she has been absent for a few days. She is merely taking a short break and will be back in full swing by Wednesday.

Warm wishes,

RD

160. Thank You

Today's post is dedicated to the men and women of the Australian Defence Force on active service around the world.

NB: The RD wishes her friend goodluck and looks forward to having him home safe soon.

"tecum sint angeli"

159. Top Ten. Us Versus Them

Cont. from yesterday...

Men
1. I didn't have that much to drink.
2. Nothing's wrong, I am fine.
3. I had no phone signal.
4. It wasn't that expensive.
5. I'm on my way.
6.I'm stuck in traffic.
7.No, your bum doesn't look big in that.
8. Sorry, I missed your call.
9. Yep, you've lost weight.
10. It's just what I have always wanted.

Women
1. Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.
2. I don't know where it is, I haven't touched it.
3.It wasn't that expensive.
4. I didn't have that much to drink.
5. I've got a headache.
6.It was on sale.
7. I'm on my way.
8.Oh, I've had this for ages.
9. No, I didn't throw it away.
10. It's just what I have always wanted.

158. Liar Liars

Taken from the Herald Sun last week..

Men lie most, honestly.

It is something that wives and girlfriends have long suspected to be true.

Men are far more likely to tell lies than women, according to the research.

The British study found that the average male tells 1092 lies a year - roughly three a day.

In contrast, the average woman will lie 728 times a year, about twice a day.

And while men said their lies were most likely to relate to drinking habits, the most popular female fib - "Nothing is wrong, I'm fine" - hides their true feelings.

Men are also less likely to feel guilty about lying.

While 82 per cent of women questioned said telling a lie ate away at their conscience, only 70 per cent confessed to pangs of guilt.

Overall, 75 per cent of those polled agreed it was ok to fib to save someone's feelings.

"Lying may seem to be an unavoidable part of human nature, but it's an important part of social interaction" said Katie Maggs, associate medical curator at the Science Museum, which commissioned the study.

"The jury is still out as to whether human quirks like lying are the result of genes, evolution or upbringing"

According to the findings, we are most likely to tell a tale to our mothers, with 25 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women admitting this.

By comparison, only 10 per cent said they were likely to deceive their partners.

In tomorrow's post I'll tell you what we like about...

157. If It's Good Enough For Miranda

Miranda Kerr wants her man to treat her like a goddess, stay healthy — and know when to buy her lace underwear.

The Australian supermodel has revealed the top 10 things she finds sexy in a man, with the desire to be "pampered" heading the list.

Writing in AskMen.com, Kerr said it was also important for men to stay fit, tell a woman she was beautiful and show her some love.

"Look her in the eyes when she is talking with you … nothing is sexier than you giving her your undivided attention," she wrote.

Kerr, who is dating film star Orlando Bloom, also gave some more practical advice for blokes — such as buying her the right size underwear.

"Look at her in her underwear," she wrote.
"If she wears lace, buy lace; if she doesn't, then go with what she buys. She'll love nothing more than trying it on for you."

In order,

Kerr’s top ten tips are:

1.Pamper her

2.Be healthy

3.Get a babysitter

4.Tell her she is beautiful and romance her

5.Don’t be afraid to show her love

6.Know what you want

7.Listen to her

8.Treat her like a goddess

9.Connect with her

10.Buy the right size

So from now on, if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me.

156. Nothing Is Worse

I went to see a play last night with my uncle and aunt.

They launched into an arguement on our arrival about where to park; close to the theatre like he thought or closer to our pre-theatre restaurant like she thought.

They said all the usual stuff like "my suggestions are always wrong" "you never like my ideas" "fine, we'll do what you want AGAIN"

I sat in the back of the car and giggled at them.

The bickering was no cause for my alarm as they have these little disagreements all the time. And yet I know they love each so much. It's clear in that way that he looks at her on any given day and clear in the way that she puts him first even when he might not deserve it. And he still makes her laugh.

They have been married for 27 years and have two grown up kids who have both now left home. If I was to sum up the secret of their marriage success, it would be because of these little heated moments.

Neither of them know when to be quiet, which means they have high communication. And don't spend time stewing on what makes them mad with each other. They get it right out there.

I've heard it said before that "I say something, it's wrong, so I say nothing"

Well, frankly, saying nothing is worse. You stay angry and confused and the other person is angry and confused. And yet it doesn't get talked about. Or talked over.

These little disputes build the passion, that my uncle and aunt prove, keeps the love alight.

If you are bottling up and saying nothing, then you need to work on your communication skills. If your partner is doing the bottling, then you need to reflect on how you react to him. Make sure you are not being irrational so he just would prefer not to deal with you. Either way - stopping talking is not the answer.

NB The RD would like to note that her uncle and aunt never name call during these rows. There is never, ever an excuse for that.

155. Stop Your Carry On

We love our BFF's. And we have a tendency to turn to them whenever we are having trouble with boys.

The problem here is, being girls ourselves, we can help each other turn nothing into a big something.

I'd get relationship advice from another guy before I'd get it from my BFF. He would let me know if I actually had something to fret over or if I was just carrying on over nothing.

I absolutely know this first hand better than most.

I love my BFF but she loves me dearly so sometimes I know she just tells me what I want to hear and not what actually I need to..

154. Alio

This restaurant gets my vote as one of Sydney's best hidden gems..

Located on Baptist Street in Surry Hills, Alio has just started a new degustation menu to celebrate its 10th birthday and I can think of nothing sexier than going there with a handsome man and trying that new menu!

And with all those dishes, couples wouldn't have those uncomfortable silences that seem to appear when you do get time away from the children for a good meal together.

I, personally, could fill those silences with my musings about the baked camembert or the sliced bresaola or the panna cotta (pictured) easily..

For bookings call (02) 8394-9368

153. It's Okay To Want...

1. Someone to make up funny loves songs that rhyme with your name on his guitar.

2. Someone to take you to their favorite restaurant and order for you.

2. Someone to hold your hand whilst you are sleeping.

4. Someone to pick you flowers from the garden just because.

5. Someone to sometimes say they are sorry first even if it is not all their fault.

152. Ostrich

Someone I know received a facebook message from a guy she didn't know. He said her photos were pretty and he would like to take her for a drink. On closer inspection of his facebook page, it seemed like a legitimate page. It also seems that he has a partner and kids.

He included his mobile number so we called it and indeed he was keen to meet for a drink. And some no-strings attached sex. We set the time and place and watched him turn up in his finest at the hotel we had specified.

Of course we left him standing alone.

The thing is, I don't believe for one moment that Aaron Carver (yep - I'm outing him!) hasn't dropped clues to his partner that he is looking elsewhere for some intimacy. I do believe, however, she is hoping it goes away.

Another friend of mine, T, knew for six months that something was up with her marriage. She knew that it wasn't right that every weekend her husband M went to Sydney to party with his friend Al, whilst T stayed at home with their new baby. But she pretended it wasn't happening rather than face an awful truth. Of course he eventually left her someone else; Al's flatmate! (FTR she is much better off without him - I always thought he was punching above his weight.)

The thing is, it won't go away. It will manifest itself. So don't ignore it. This is your partner. Your equal partner. So ask questions. (Don't interrogate so he is scared to talk to you) But be involved. Don't snoop. But be interested. And be friends with his friends.

And if something doesn't feel right intuitively - 9 out of 10 times it isn't.

NB The RD in no way believes that only men cheat and for my men readers, women are sometimes all the more sneaky. Pay attention.

Try A House That Love Built?

It's so common for couples to get a pet, or even worse, have a baby when their relationship starts to lose a lil spark. It never really works.

I would suggest, rather than either of those - volunteering together.

It's not lame. Or too much effort. It's an absolutely perfect way to spend new time together that may really, really give both of you a chance to see each other in a different and even quite sexy light!

One of my favorite charities is Ronald McDonald House. Based in most capital cities, they are always on the look out for new volunteers. And the best thing - they encourage you to do it with someone.

The house that I volunteer at (I do an overnight shift once a month), has a lovely warm volunteer flat with two very comfy beds in it, lovely Sheridan linen, four lounge rooms with massive plasmas, plus in the rest of the house there is a XBox, a huge kitchen that always has delicious treats, heaps of babies to cuddle, a Labrador puppy and stacks of people who are keen just to have a coffee with you.

As a team, to go there together, could only bond you in way that yelling about what the dog has chewed now or whose turn it is to change the baby can't (I am not suggesting not getting a dog or having a baby - I am only talking about those of you who have done it to "save" your relationship.. you know who you are)

Search volunteering on the net to look for options that interest you both! It cannot hurt to try it anyway...

150. It Will Be Ok!

Bumblebee says so!!


NB The RD is taking a break from posting today whilst she uses her positive energy to concentrate on a personal matter.

149. Romantic Getaways. Do It!!

I recommend it at least once every two months minimum!

Just you & your guy... no mobile phone, no computer - it will recharge your relationship like nothing else.

Clydesdale Manor in Hobart gets my top suggestion this month, and not just because its owners chose to open it on Valentine's day..

It has a no children policy and can only host 14 couples at any one time.

Each room has a huge four poster bed, an open fire place, a huge spa bath and a romantic candlelight dinner for two can be served to your room on request!

Bliss..

148. Satorially Elegant vs Self-Help Sabotage

Greg Behrendt, author of the acclaimed book "He's Just Not That Into You", was quoted this week saying girls stood a better chance with guys by spending money on a fabulous dress rather than on his or any other self-help book.

NB I am loving MK's dress!! Now if I just had somewhere to wear it to..

147. Mother Love

Happy Mother's Day!!

Remember to nuture all your relationships every day to keep them healthy and flourishing.

146. Love Vs Life

145. Red Flags

Taken from an article featured in this months Madison magazine..with footnotes from the RD!

When to walk away:

He reacts poorly in a crisis - or doesn't react at all. What might his response be if you told him you were quitting your job to write a novel? What would he say if you were diagnosed with diabetes, or worse, cancer? It helps to know that the person with whom you're contemplating walking down the aisle with is well-equipped to cope with life's uncertainties.

A friend of mine told me that on her wedding day she knew her marriage would not survive something serious like the death of their child etc. She went ahead with it anyway and five years later he left her for someone he had been having an affair with for six months. Even though they had a new baby.

He thrives on negativity. All couples fight;it's normal to have disagreements. What does matter - more than you may realise - is how many positive interactions a couple needs to share. Research by relationship guru Dr John Gottman shows that happy couples have about 5:1 ratio between positive and negative interactions. To wit: for every criticism, ill-tempered remark or dismissive shrug that passes between a couple, there should be at least five positive experiences - such as laughing, holding hands or simply listening to one another.

This is my favorite. If the good times are outweighing the bad or he doesn't make you happy anymore at just the thought of him- what are you doing?

He doesn't fight fairly. When problems arise, are you always the one apologising? Do you both actively participate in a discussion, even if it's uncomfortable? (Somebody who shuts down when you want to raise a serious issue is a walking red flag) Note whether he fights dirty or tries to land below-the-belt shots. Nasty name-calling, abusive and controlling behaviour and aggression should never be tolerated.

This doesn't need much more said. No name-calling. Ever. Nothing warrants it. Dump him.

144. Being Frank

I sat down with my dear friend K recently and had a frank chat about relationships with her.

This is what happened.

Verbatim..

Q: You are in a new relatively new relationship - whats the best thing about dating someone brand new?

The best thing about dating someone new is that you can move on in your life with someone you feel like you have a future with. If you have broken up with someone there was obviously reason for it, therefore,...... NEXT.

Q: Whats the hardest?

The hardest thing, is at the start of a new relationship both of us are on our "best behaviour" ie they are someone that they want the other party to like! So you wont really know who the person is until you have hung out with them for a year or more!!

Q: You have dated people alot younger than you - how did you find that?

At the time I did not care that the person I was dating was 14 years younger than me, we had fun and thats all that mattered! But looking back whilst not in the situation, you can see a lot clearer and we definately had different maturity levels.

You are at different levels in life and if they dont match then it can make things difficult. For example, I had had several relationships and several flings previously and was ready for a serious relationship, whereas they had only had one proper relationship so wasn't as interested in "settling down".


Q: Do you think being the same age really matters? Or does having similar interests help more?

I think that the age gap doesnt always matter, it depends on the individual case. However, what I have discovered is, if the gap is one that starts from late teens/early 20's onwards then there can be issues. This is because the younger party hasn't matured and lived properly yet to be able to know exactly what they really want whereas the other one has. But if you have an age difference later in life, take for instance, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi, I think that it can work because Portia has lived through life for 35 years and is knowledgeable,wise and mature enough to know what she wants in life


Q: How hard is jelousy to deal with? Have you ever had to deal with it?

Jealousy is very difficult to deal with and yes I have been known to be a green eyed monster in the past. It kinda just happened to me and I didn't enjoy it, the problem was I did not know how to deal with it. These days (being older and wiser) I tend not to let it affect me as much and if I do feel it, I tell myself that I am a person that deserves everything in life, and that I cannot control anyone's behaviour. I can only control my own behaviour and that I am a good person and deserve to be with someone that treats me right. If the person I am with is not treating me right I tell them. At the end of the day if my partner cheats on me or leaves me that will be their loss and not mine. This makes me a stronger person. Also, if I feel like I am going to act jealous then I will not put myself in those scenarios (where possible).

Q: Whats your number one relationship rule?

Always have your own stuff going on ie - things that you like to do and that are passionate about. If your partner is not into your passion then do it on your own. Its good for your character and you wont feel so much pressure in the relationship of doing every single thing together. Time apart makes the heart grow fonder!! But balance it of course!! You still need to connect with your partner frequently, but just take time out for yourself!

The RD thanks her wonderful friend for this personal interview and wishes her and her new girlfriend L every happiness in their future together

142. Edward & Vivian

Timeless romance refresher!

Hope you are all having a good week!

RD xo

141. Mint Bearnaise

Everyone knows the way to a man's heart is via his stomach. Here's a little something to help the journey!

Mint Bernaise

1/3 cup of good white vinegar
1 shallot
6 black peppercorns
4 egg yolks
250 g of butter
1/2 cup of fresh mint leaves

Place vinegar, chopped shallot and peppercorns in pan. Bring to bopil, boil rapidly until reduced by half. Strain liquid into top of double saucepan, add egg yolks, beat over simmering water for one minute. Add melted butter until thickened. Remove from heat, place in blender with mint leaves and blend for 30 seconds.

Serve over a rack of lamb for a delicious meal for a gorgeous someone

Bon appetit!

140. Bad Teeth?

A friend of mine has men with good teeth on her want list. Another one won't date blondes.

I, of course, have my own list too but whatever is on our lists - the below need to be added as well!

1)Mummy's boys

2)Men who are bad with money

3)Men with no friends

4)Men who put you down in public

5)Men who are rude to waitering staff

6)Men unable to laugh at themselves

7)Men unwilling to share authority

8)Men who never make demands countering yours

To put up with any of those guys is just, frankly, crazy.

139. Bad Weather "Just Happens"..

Inappropiate texts and or/emails to other women doesn't just happen. Neither does putting your tongue in their mouth.

I have never, ever kissed anyone that I didn't want to? Nor have I accidently had sex with someone.

It never just happens.

So if my partner did this to me, I would ask him if he thought he just messed up or did he just want out?