Taken from an article featured in this months Madison magazine..with footnotes from the RD!
When to walk away:
He reacts poorly in a crisis - or doesn't react at all. What might his response be if you told him you were quitting your job to write a novel? What would he say if you were diagnosed with diabetes, or worse, cancer? It helps to know that the person with whom you're contemplating walking down the aisle with is well-equipped to cope with life's uncertainties.
A friend of mine told me that on her wedding day she knew her marriage would not survive something serious like the death of their child etc. She went ahead with it anyway and five years later he left her for someone he had been having an affair with for six months. Even though they had a new baby.
He thrives on negativity. All couples fight;it's normal to have disagreements. What does matter - more than you may realise - is how many positive interactions a couple needs to share. Research by relationship guru Dr John Gottman shows that happy couples have about 5:1 ratio between positive and negative interactions. To wit: for every criticism, ill-tempered remark or dismissive shrug that passes between a couple, there should be at least five positive experiences - such as laughing, holding hands or simply listening to one another.
This is my favorite. If the good times are outweighing the bad or he doesn't make you happy anymore at just the thought of him- what are you doing?
He doesn't fight fairly. When problems arise, are you always the one apologising? Do you both actively participate in a discussion, even if it's uncomfortable? (Somebody who shuts down when you want to raise a serious issue is a walking red flag) Note whether he fights dirty or tries to land below-the-belt shots. Nasty name-calling, abusive and controlling behaviour and aggression should never be tolerated.
This doesn't need much more said. No name-calling. Ever. Nothing warrants it. Dump him.
