I went to see a play last night with my uncle and aunt.
They launched into an arguement on our arrival about where to park; close to the theatre like he thought or closer to our pre-theatre restaurant like she thought.
They said all the usual stuff like "my suggestions are always wrong" "you never like my ideas" "fine, we'll do what you want AGAIN"
I sat in the back of the car and giggled at them.
The bickering was no cause for my alarm as they have these little disagreements all the time. And yet I know they love each so much. It's clear in that way that he looks at her on any given day and clear in the way that she puts him first even when he might not deserve it. And he still makes her laugh.
They have been married for 27 years and have two grown up kids who have both now left home. If I was to sum up the secret of their marriage success, it would be because of these little heated moments.
Neither of them know when to be quiet, which means they have high communication. And don't spend time stewing on what makes them mad with each other. They get it right out there.
I've heard it said before that "I say something, it's wrong, so I say nothing"
Well, frankly, saying nothing is worse. You stay angry and confused and the other person is angry and confused. And yet it doesn't get talked about. Or talked over.
These little disputes build the passion, that my uncle and aunt prove, keeps the love alight.
If you are bottling up and saying nothing, then you need to work on your communication skills. If your partner is doing the bottling, then you need to reflect on how you react to him. Make sure you are not being irrational so he just would prefer not to deal with you. Either way - stopping talking is not the answer.
NB The RD would like to note that her uncle and aunt never name call during these rows. There is never, ever an excuse for that.
