184. Blame or Shame?

Last week Matilda star Lisa De Vanna was in some hot water over pictures she uploaded on facebook.com

When you google the story, headings come up with various titles like "Matilda star in sex outrage" and "Soccer star sex shame"

Ok well come on!?

From where I sit, the only thing De Vanna did wrong was not having her facebook account privacy settings on high.

And that's it.

She should not be labelled a scarlet women for faking fellatio? Because doesn't that just mean, as a grown up, that she is in-touch with her sexuality??

That she knows what men like and really, really want in bed and further more, knows how to give it to them??

I agree that a 13 year old girl shouldn't see pictures of that affect. But I don't agree she should then be subject to her mother's own sexual repression.

Trawl any men sites on the www and you will see literally millions of men interviewed and asked what they want more of in from their partners and I can tell you the one thing they wish they got or even got more of is blow jobs.

And it wouldn't hurt for women to listen. I get you might not like it. And I get that you might think you don't have to do stuff you don't like.

But I want to know why you don't like it? Is it because it's completely gross to you? Or maybe, just maybe, it's because you think that you are not supposed to like it?

I also wonder if you asked a 13 year old girl if she would rather her parents were still together instead of her dad running off with his work colleague who really knew how to 'love' him?

Weekend food for thought eh..

182. Threesomes..Or Not?

With modern technology and social networking sights these days, its almost impossible to have more than one girl on that go at any time.

Need further proof?

A guy I know is very cute. And fancies himself as quite the ladies man. Although just recently I labelled him a clumsy lothario...

See he was really, really stringing two girls along. But with facebook.com, there was no way they didn't know about each other.

So he had to create a web of lies explaining them to each other. He called one a weird stalker that he didn't speak to and the other a jealous violent skank.

He thought that would be enough to keep them away from each other.

What he didn't count on however was that both of these girls were good people and indeed smart people.

And cracks started to appear in his stories.

Eventually one girl decided to contact another girl via said social networking site.

And the truth really came out. Numbers, stories and dates were swapped.

And the boy was confronted with the evidence.

Now the boy has neither girl.. and I doubt he is looking forward to returning from his current trip in London

179. Consumed

It isn't cool to let yourself be so into your new boyfriend that you turn into a stalker destined for a trip to the magistrates court and the front page of your local newspaper.

I'll elaborate...

Someone I know very well, started a little fling with a boy. For several reasons or another, the fling ended before it's time. But I believe the two still quite like each other. Or have some serious chemistry at least.

Now the boy has started seeing someone else - but he still cannot bring himself to not contact the first girl on a very regular basis. So much so, that he often commits the dating faux pas of sending sms's to the first girl in the company of the new girl. And Im not talking one or two but more like 22 or more.

So the new girlfriend isn't altogether silly and knows a threat when she sees one. But instead of removing herself from the situation or trying to express her feelings about this to her boyfriend - she commences Operation Stalkfest.

The first girl starts to receive facebook.com emails from the second girls posse of devoted lady friends. And friend requests from the second girl's guy facebook friends. Several 100's of them. The first girl speaks to the boy in question and is told that yes, indeed, the second girl is feeling jealous of the link between the orginal two and would just like to see the first girl's pictures to know what she is up against.

Seriously. WTH????

Now probably the second girl doesn't read my blog but if she did (and for all you others who have felt the stalker gene emerge from time to time) - I am going to insist you get a grip.

Or you will just spiral out of control.

Don't let anyone else consume you to the point of breaking the law. Because that's what you are doing.

When you are starting to feel like this - I suggest you do one (or all!) of the below 5 things

1) Go get a facial. It will make you feel pampered and beautiful again.
2) Replace facial with professional shampoo and blow dry
3) Dance around your lounge room to anything by Usher, Lady Gaga or Jason Derulo.
4) Summons your girlfriends together and laugh til your cheeks hurt.
5) Get really dressed up with your BFF and go out for cupcakes Carrie and Miranda style.

No-one, no matter how cute his accent or how pretty his smile, is worth restless nights or splitting hairs over.

Plus it's really, really unattractive.

And I can guarantee you - it won't stop the original couple being together again if they want to. You will just look foolish as well as be heartbroken.

More importantly - if he is really something special and he likes you - he won't want to make you feel this way.

152. Ostrich

Someone I know received a facebook message from a guy she didn't know. He said her photos were pretty and he would like to take her for a drink. On closer inspection of his facebook page, it seemed like a legitimate page. It also seems that he has a partner and kids.

He included his mobile number so we called it and indeed he was keen to meet for a drink. And some no-strings attached sex. We set the time and place and watched him turn up in his finest at the hotel we had specified.

Of course we left him standing alone.

The thing is, I don't believe for one moment that Aaron Carver (yep - I'm outing him!) hasn't dropped clues to his partner that he is looking elsewhere for some intimacy. I do believe, however, she is hoping it goes away.

Another friend of mine, T, knew for six months that something was up with her marriage. She knew that it wasn't right that every weekend her husband M went to Sydney to party with his friend Al, whilst T stayed at home with their new baby. But she pretended it wasn't happening rather than face an awful truth. Of course he eventually left her someone else; Al's flatmate! (FTR she is much better off without him - I always thought he was punching above his weight.)

The thing is, it won't go away. It will manifest itself. So don't ignore it. This is your partner. Your equal partner. So ask questions. (Don't interrogate so he is scared to talk to you) But be involved. Don't snoop. But be interested. And be friends with his friends.

And if something doesn't feel right intuitively - 9 out of 10 times it isn't.

NB The RD in no way believes that only men cheat and for my men readers, women are sometimes all the more sneaky. Pay attention.

80. Honeymooners? We Shall See..

Tripping through facebook.com today and I came across some people who got married on Saturday.

They left for their honeymoon yesterday.

They have headed to a fairly romantic destination

But so far (it's being less than 24hrs..) they have slept in, had pizza for dinner, looked at some sights and uploaded twenty pictures of facebook of these activties.

Plus played some farmville, commeneted on the odd status or five and changed their profile pictures to their dopplegangers (it's a facebook trend at the moment..)

I don't get it.

I would have really recommended leaving the computer at home.

We shall see if it's a sign of things to come...

Infact... I'll keep you posted!

48. facecrook.com

I am seriously thinking about closing my facebook.com account this year.

I think its contributing to the dating world spinning a little out of control and I believe it to be unhealthy.

Its a mixed up world where you already know what your new date, boyf, lover etc etc's ex looks like.

That sort of stuff used to be for years down the track when you would pull out old photos together and look through them and giggle.

Now, however, you even know what her new boyfriend looks like.

Let alone the day of dread when you see "is no longer in a relationship" appear on her page.

That sort of paranoia should be left for crazy/stalker people but facebook.com brings it into our loungerooms.

facebook.com is also kind of like having your boyfriends "number" dangled right in front of you and any lady with an overactive imagination (all ladies!!) is left to wonder just how does 'he' know Kelly or Samanatha, the cute blonde girls on his friends list.

So there you have it, I am recommending closing down your account.

Ill just play one more game of Scrabble and poke an ex or two first.

24. Can A Tiger Ever Change His Spots?

I received quite a few emails from readers yesterday after my last post asking why cheating wasn't always a deal breaker.

Again I think its a very personal decision that can only be made by the person directly involved ie you.

Once you get through the awful first stage of finding out and have talked it over with your partner, the next stage of getting on with it, is just as hard.

If you do decide to trust him again, then this means that you have to learn to not question him every time he doesn't answer when you call or sms. And you have to really, try to not get mad at him when he has a new mysterious woman facebook friend.

However, the onus also has to be on your partner to make an effort to regain your trust by not giving you too many reasons to be suspcious.

If he is making a huge effort, then you need to decide if the punishment on you fits the crime.. Does being with him still make you really, really happy? Do you really believe him when he says it won't happen again? Are you still in love with him?

Only you can truly know the answer to that..

NB I'd advise against staying with someone you do not trust just because you have kids. A friend of mine (whose parents didn't divorce after the love was gone) once said to me "If your parents are fighting every day, your home is already broken"