195. Group Sex And Calling Wolf?

So Collingwood won the AFL Grand Final on the weekend after a twenty year drought. And they deserved to go out and celebrate.

What happened next "allegedly" is the players met a couple at a nightclub and then ended up at a city apartment with them.

The couple had sex and then the boyfriend left the bedroom and offered his girlfriend to the players for further sex.

Allegedly 5 players lined up and had sex with this girl one after the other.

Then the police were called and an investigation is underway.

Only those that were there know what really happened.

But it's put a black mark over the win of the team. And caused a storm in the media.

Ex-footballer Peter Everitt this morning had an on-air stoush with Nova's Hughsey and Kate over Everitt's twitter remarks.

Everitt believes that girls should know if they head back to a guys apartment in the middle of the night "it's not for milo"

Which totally goes against the no means no process.

Because apparently saying yes to going to someones house in the middle of the night is yes to anything? Cue 1920's sexual repression and women who wear mini-skirts deserving to be raped.

Furthermore Everitt wants the accusers to be named and shamed.

I don't know what I think yet about any of that.

What I do this is this -

1)Sexual assault is not a joke.

2)Falsely claiming to be sexually assaulted is taking away the integrity of anyone that has been legitimately sexually assaulted.

3)Professional footballers should know better than to get involved in anything of this dodgy nature after what has already happened in the recent past (NRL Canterbury Bulldogs, Brendon Fevolva, Steven Milnes)

4)Getting involved in risky sexual behaviour can lead you to be chopped up with a chainsaw and burned in a drum (Herman Rockefeller)

5)If you need to get attention by making up you were sexually assualted then you are in serious need of therapy

6) If your boyfriend is offering you for sex with strangers and it makes you uncomfortable then you need a new boyfriend and serious therapy.

7) If you think its cool to have sex with someone else's girlfriend that your friends also just had sex with then you are in serious need of therapy. And I'm questioning your sexual prowess.

8) If you think its cool to offer your girlfriend up for sex with strangers even though she isn't comfortable with it then you are in serious need of therapy. And I'm questioning your sexual orientation.

Frankly this entire topic is about as amusing, clever and sexy as green eggs and ham.

188. Why Do We Always Blame The Girl?

Recently someone I know well was being pursued by someone’s boyfriend. So rather than cause any unnecessary angst, this friend of mine contacted the girlfriend in question and let her know what her lover was doing behind her back.

The evidence was huge, there was literally hundreds of emails as well as dates that could be matched to back up the guy’s infidelities.

At first the girlfriend thanked her – said she respected my friend so much for coming forward.

But then – the tables turned. And my friend became the bad guy as the wronged girlfriend said she just wanted to move on. Which meant forgiving her boyfriend and commencing a hate campaign about my friend.

Why do we blame the girl? Who owed this girlfriend nothing? And who infact, and this of no dispute, didn’t even know this guy had a girlfriend?

Insecurity. There can be no other reason.

Deal with your boyfriend. He let you down. And no-one else.

Plus remember – if we keep acting this way towards the girl in question, one day she won’t tell you what’s actually going on.

And then you really will look stupid.

185. It's Just Not Sexy

I've blogged about this loser before so I am not going to waste too much more time on him but I just hope it brings home that if your boy is causing you grief after grief, that you'll get rid of him.

Because it just isn't sexy to be older than 21 and still be involved in incident after incident. Infact it's gross.

And you deserve better than that!

145. Red Flags

Taken from an article featured in this months Madison magazine..with footnotes from the RD!

When to walk away:

He reacts poorly in a crisis - or doesn't react at all. What might his response be if you told him you were quitting your job to write a novel? What would he say if you were diagnosed with diabetes, or worse, cancer? It helps to know that the person with whom you're contemplating walking down the aisle with is well-equipped to cope with life's uncertainties.

A friend of mine told me that on her wedding day she knew her marriage would not survive something serious like the death of their child etc. She went ahead with it anyway and five years later he left her for someone he had been having an affair with for six months. Even though they had a new baby.

He thrives on negativity. All couples fight;it's normal to have disagreements. What does matter - more than you may realise - is how many positive interactions a couple needs to share. Research by relationship guru Dr John Gottman shows that happy couples have about 5:1 ratio between positive and negative interactions. To wit: for every criticism, ill-tempered remark or dismissive shrug that passes between a couple, there should be at least five positive experiences - such as laughing, holding hands or simply listening to one another.

This is my favorite. If the good times are outweighing the bad or he doesn't make you happy anymore at just the thought of him- what are you doing?

He doesn't fight fairly. When problems arise, are you always the one apologising? Do you both actively participate in a discussion, even if it's uncomfortable? (Somebody who shuts down when you want to raise a serious issue is a walking red flag) Note whether he fights dirty or tries to land below-the-belt shots. Nasty name-calling, abusive and controlling behaviour and aggression should never be tolerated.

This doesn't need much more said. No name-calling. Ever. Nothing warrants it. Dump him.

110. Dear Alex.. Part 2.

From the Daily Telegraph...

'A former police officer who made sexual advances at several of her colleagues has lost her unfair dismissal case against NSW Police.

Probationary constable Jessica Parfrey was sacked five months into her probation as a police officer near Newcastle in September 2007 after propositioning four different co-workers for sex, the Daily Telegraph reports.

Several days after arriving at the Waratah Local Area Command north of Sydney, Ms Parfrey allegedly asked her supervisor if they could have an affair, an offer he turned down.

A month later, she propositioned him again, the Industrial Relations Commission (IRC) in Sydney heard.

"Can't we just f***?" she told him. "I am a 19-year-old girl, what is wrong with you?"

She also allegedly offered a different officer oral sex in a pub toilet and repeatedly called another saying she would help him study for exams by removing an article of clothing for each correct answer he gave.

Ms Parfrey challenged her sacking saying she was joking and that most of the alleged sexual harassment incidents took place outside of work.

But IRC deputy president John Grayson rejected her claims and refused to reinstate her.

Ms Parfrey is now working as a barmaid'

I hope the NSW Police offered Jessica counselling. And Alex.. your girls are headed to a similar fate if you don't act and remove the poor role model - today.

109. Ex-citement?

Every now and then an ex will rear their head.

Perhaps beg for another chance with your heart. (thanks facebook.com)

I have even seen it really work.

Infact friends of mine are my all time favorite love story.

These two dated at high school and were each other's first lovers.

After high school, they grew apart, as they started really growing up.

He moved away. Both got very serious with other people.

Nearly ten years later and single again, he looked her up.

They had coffee and shared a kiss.

Today they share a home and two very cute kids.

But it doesn't always work. And time apart does really cloud what it was really like.

If you broke up beacause one of you cheated or as you grew up, your beliefs/morals were different to each others, then it almost never works.

And it's much better to just keep the past as really fond memories, even if a little skewed from the truth.

Need further proof?

Last night, I found an old diary of mine. I laughed til I cried at the memories. I was then inspired to pull out some old albumns of us looking very cute and romantic.

Luckily my BFF also reminded me of the names of several of the girls that he also spent nights with when I thought he was at work.

And she told me she just heard he had left his wife of ten years. For her sister.

108. Dear Alex..

Once is a mistake, twice is even forgivable but after that, he is taking advantage of you.

Please believe that you are an amazing woman who can do better than this guy.

If he truly loved you and your girls, he would not treat you like this.

I am quite sure that he is quirky and sometimes really adorable and when he is being good, he is amazing.

But he is making a fool of you.

And you do not deserve this constant poor treatment.

You are also setting a very bad example for your girls on what is an acceptable way to be treated during a marriage.

Alex, please, for the sake of your daughters and yourself, dump the douche.

Don't end up another Simone Warne-esque tragedy.

102. The Island

You might have read my previous post and thought "well, what's the point?"

And considered moving to an island.

The point is this.

Unless you die tomorrow, someone will hurt you.

It is unavoidable.

So you might as well have the time of your life with your potential soul mate rather than being afraid of them.

Plus, truthfully.. life really is just better with company!

93. Break-Up or Break-Down? You Decide.

From today's paper...

"A HEART broken by Holly Valance has failed to win her former boyfriend a shorter jail term for drug trafficking.

Peter Ververis claimed being dumped by the ex-Neighbours star via a glossy magazine after a six-year romance sent him spiralling into "ice" addiction.

Two months after the break-up Ververis was arrested in a raid on his Cheltenham home in September 2006. He had $11,675 in cash, 417.6g of methylamphetamine, and chemicals used to manufacture drugs were also found at the house, which he shared with his brother, Chris.

Ververis told a psychologist he'd planned to marry Valance and turned to drug use to cope as his pain and humiliation played out in public.

"I was cut up. It was a messy break-up," he said in documents tendered to a court. "I read it in a magazine. I saw a photo of her and her new boyfriend in a magazine."

Ververis, 29, claimed his devastation caused a dependency so great he had to sell drugs to pay for his own use.

But the Court of Appeal last week refused to cut his 2 1/2-year jail term."

Valance you did wrong, but Pete... a break-up is an everyday occurance. You should not have let Holly win this by throwing your life into disarray.

Ok, so I don't know Holly or Peter in real life but I do see & hear all too often about people who suffer a "bad" breakup and then let that incident dictate their future and their future relationships.

It's time to get on with it and over it.

You need to know that your ex, like Holly, is less affected than you are and is definitely getting on with their life.

Don't let them ruin anymore than a week and get back involved in living.

Seriously.

Anything else is just pathetic.

92. Stupid Idiot? I Don't Think So

It is never okay for your partner to call you names.

Not stupid, not fat, not lazy.

Ever.

You absolutely do NOT deserve to be spoken to or treated like that at any stage.

There is never a good enough excuse on his part for that sort of poor behaviour.

He is clearly unintelligent and doesn't deserve you.

You are a gorgeous, clever, kind woman who does not have to accept that.

And if he ever, ever hits you, call the police.

89. Threeways

How can you tell when is it time to quit on someone?

1. When they no longer make you happy just from hearing from them.

2. When they don't even attempt to fix it when you are down.

3. When you feel like you are the least important item on their list on a regular basis.

83. 14 Ways to Not Despair

So as I have already mentioned a few times this Sunday is Valentines Day.

And if you find yourself single, it can be a little dampening on your otherwise gorgeous spirit.

I've listed 14 ways below that you can do ensure you still embrace this Sunday..

1. Make yourself a breakfast of pancakes in bed. Don't forget the extra chocolate sauce.

2. Get a fabulous blow dry, put on your highest of heels and take your BFF out for an afternoon glass of champagne.

3. Take yourself to the movies, see whatever you like, sit where you like and get the biggest bag of popcorn and don't share it

4. Go group-dating (it will be a big thing in 2010, will by pass speed-dating as the cool)

5. Stay in your pj's all day and watch the entire series of Sex and the City.

6. Go through all your old photos, put on old 90's music and dance around. Suddenly you will remember a time more tragic than being single on Valentine's Day.

7. Take yourself off to a boxercise class. At the very least you can pretend to box the ears of one ex that broke your heart. Guaranteed you will feel liberated later.

8. Find a male friend that is also single and ask him to teach you how to play Call of Duty. The blood and violence will have you not thinking about being single in minutes.

9. Send a crush an anonymous love poem.

10. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Embrace the fact that albeit single, you have a roof over your head and food tonight.

11. Lay on the couch all day reading one of the classics like Tom Sawyer or Oliver Twist.

12. Take yourself off to the RSPCA and adopt a new pet. Or if you can't adopt one, volunteer to help out just playing with one for the day.

13. Download episodes of last season's Glee and sing along at the top of your voice.

14. Sleep in, then run a bubble bath and use the most bubbles ever.

It's only one day and frankly I am really looking forward to it!

52. Trashbag = Tragic

I enjoy a drink as much as anyone. Infact, its a rare day that I don't partake in a glass of a pinot noir or a delicious semillion.

But writing yourself off is no way to write a love story.

When girls get drunk, sometimes we get loud. And loud is scary to men. Unless it's explosives or Revenge of the Fallen or Foo Fighters in concert.

Furthermore when girls get drunk, we decide it's time to ask inappropiate questions like "so, how much money do you make?" or "how come you don't have a girlfriend?"

Boys hate this.

And whilst they might sleep with you a few hours on - they have already decided to not get serious about you. At all.

If you need courage for a night out, head to the gym every day plus purchase a pair of really hot heels.

Don't drink yourself brave.. it's a battle you won't win.

PS For those of you who live under rocks, boys also do not enjoy the fragrance of vomit. Seriously.

23. Dear Reader....

6. Interests Equals Interesting

Are you interesting? What are you interested in? What are your interests? Did you just now answer something like shopping, the kids, the dog, my boyfriend??? ... zzzzzzzzzzz

Get serious!! Shopping is not an interest unless it is shopping for rare eqyptian teapots in far away Arabia. (sounds interesting does'nt it!!) Shopping is something that girls do because they can. Like when men scratch their testicles. So unless you think you would like to date someone who lists scratching his area as a hobby - stop saying shopping is yours.

Need further proof? I have a male friend called Stan who dated a gorgeous girl. Very, very pretty, sweet, great laugh; an all round nice piece of arm candy. And she had a hot figure, big breasts and kept herself in great shape. Stan dumped her. Stan who was on the chubby side and had a massive nose and really was much funnier than he was handsome. And still he dumped her. Why? He met a woman at work. Who was interesting. She was passionate about buying and then renovating houses, snowboarding, climate change, human trafficking, chinese art and breeding siamese cats. Stan's ex-girlfriend was passionate about shopping and Stan.

This weekend - get an interest. Better yet - get three!

NB Kids, i repeat kids, are not an interest. Do I need to repeat the scratching of the balls scenario to you again?