200. Thirty Dollar Date Night

Check out this fabulous blog from the equally fabulous Emma Merkas.

Simply great ways to enjoy somme romance with your love without the excuse of not being able to afford it!

Her blog even includes a best of top ten that is amazing!!

This is the link..

http://blog.30dollardatenight.com/2010/01/21/the-top-10-date-lists-collection/

Simply one of the best blogs I have read all year X

199. All Gardens Need Care

This picture of a gorgeous garden could represent all your relationships if you are prepared to put in appropiate effort.

All friendships would benefit from a cards mailed to just say I love you, a sms sent just to say you're in my thoughts or flowers for no reason at all except to tell your friend or relative you love them that much.

If I am invited to someone's house for dinner and they say don't bring anything - I take bread and milk.

They can always use it the next day or freeze it til they need it and with just a smidgen of effort, they know I am grateful and respectful of their dinner invitation and it costs me less than $5.

All gardens, not just Adam & Eve's need tending too - this would be a good year to remember that.

198. Hiatus

I'm baaaaccckkkk...

Bashful apologies about my absence. I can confirm I am indeed back for good!

I can also confirm that I've been busy - and have loads of wisdom to share..

Happy New Year!!

RD

197. External Cohesion

It's a fact that your partner is going to drive you crazy and you're not going to agree with him all the time.

But do you need to berate each other in public?

I just came from the hospital where in the public waiting room, a woman gave her elderly husband a public dressing down.

Telling him that he was stupid, stubborn, obstinate, confused and ALWAYS got everything wrong only made her look like the stupid one.

And embarrassed both her husband and the full waiting room.

External cohesion, internal debate. And nothing less please.

196. Dear Diary..

Struggling to get into the mood?

Start keeping a private diary of all the lewd fantasies you have thought about or thought of acting out

Sometimes just putting those thoughts into words will keep you "motivated" more often..

195. Group Sex And Calling Wolf?

So Collingwood won the AFL Grand Final on the weekend after a twenty year drought. And they deserved to go out and celebrate.

What happened next "allegedly" is the players met a couple at a nightclub and then ended up at a city apartment with them.

The couple had sex and then the boyfriend left the bedroom and offered his girlfriend to the players for further sex.

Allegedly 5 players lined up and had sex with this girl one after the other.

Then the police were called and an investigation is underway.

Only those that were there know what really happened.

But it's put a black mark over the win of the team. And caused a storm in the media.

Ex-footballer Peter Everitt this morning had an on-air stoush with Nova's Hughsey and Kate over Everitt's twitter remarks.

Everitt believes that girls should know if they head back to a guys apartment in the middle of the night "it's not for milo"

Which totally goes against the no means no process.

Because apparently saying yes to going to someones house in the middle of the night is yes to anything? Cue 1920's sexual repression and women who wear mini-skirts deserving to be raped.

Furthermore Everitt wants the accusers to be named and shamed.

I don't know what I think yet about any of that.

What I do this is this -

1)Sexual assault is not a joke.

2)Falsely claiming to be sexually assaulted is taking away the integrity of anyone that has been legitimately sexually assaulted.

3)Professional footballers should know better than to get involved in anything of this dodgy nature after what has already happened in the recent past (NRL Canterbury Bulldogs, Brendon Fevolva, Steven Milnes)

4)Getting involved in risky sexual behaviour can lead you to be chopped up with a chainsaw and burned in a drum (Herman Rockefeller)

5)If you need to get attention by making up you were sexually assualted then you are in serious need of therapy

6) If your boyfriend is offering you for sex with strangers and it makes you uncomfortable then you need a new boyfriend and serious therapy.

7) If you think its cool to have sex with someone else's girlfriend that your friends also just had sex with then you are in serious need of therapy. And I'm questioning your sexual prowess.

8) If you think its cool to offer your girlfriend up for sex with strangers even though she isn't comfortable with it then you are in serious need of therapy. And I'm questioning your sexual orientation.

Frankly this entire topic is about as amusing, clever and sexy as green eggs and ham.

194. Controversial New Self-Help Book...

Blow jobs.

There - I just saved you $39.95...

Seriously.. if your man says he doesn't, then he is lying.

193. Don't Be A Bitch

Don't be a bitch.

Not only is it not classy but you won't win and you may end up with real muck on your face.

Need further proof?

A friend of mine hooked up with his ex-girlfriend 5 months ago, just a few weeks before he went on deployment to Afghanistan.

Background?

Having being dumped by her long-term boyfriend for more or less further bitchy behaviour, this piece of work decided to get some attention from our unsuspecting upcoming war hero.

He fell for it.

She thought she could rest on her previous charms.

Problem was, she was no longer that charming. And her lack of attention and support for our hero was abhorrent and unintelligent.

Her contact with him was clearly always only when she needed some attention herself.

Her cat and mouse antics were childish and sloppy.

And disgustingly self-centred.

She probably thought she would get away with it.

What she didn't count on was her competition.

Someone who was more charming and definitely more than prepared to lavish the man in question with attention.

And care packages.

And daily emails enquiring about his well-being.

And whom more importantly just liked him for who he is and not what he could offer or represent.

Today he flies home a little different to how he left, somewhat wiser I gather but more importantly, not hopeful about a chance with the spoilt, tacky, witch.

The ex stays an ex.

Moral of the story?

You never, ever know who is looming in the background ready to be more charming and less bitch.

192. Who Not Why?

There is a fabulous article in this weekend's Sunday magazine from todays paper about why men cheat.

Its about Irish comedian Peadar De Burca who decided to interview 250 men and ask them why they cheated.

Politician, doctors, soldiers, bank executives, rich men, poor men, working-class men, poor men - everybody.

He then went on to further investigate what your average adulterer looks like.

"The overiding thing about the men was that they weren't cool or handsome. They all seemed needy and insecure. And pathetic and cowards. Some were so grimy they made me want to puke"

"And they blamed everyone else"

He found out what I've always suspected.

Real men don't cheat.

191. Erection Rejection?

A friend of mine met this guy a few years back and they have hooked up once or twice. They are also the very best of sexter's.

They've swapped alot of naked pics and dirty talk - all very healthy, liberating stuff.

They would hook up more often except their work schedules don't permit - until the other night..

He almost cancelled due to a headache and an early morning start. She talked him into it.

He turns up to her house, the kissing was hot as was the pre-play action.

Then just as they were about to get right into it - he lost his erection. She was sympathetic. He seemed a bit upset and said he should leave.

She rubbed his foreheard with sympathy and gave him a sweet smile.

He told her he would chat to her soon and hurridly exited.

The next day, not giving it a second thought, she sent him a text saying she hoped his headache was better - he didn't reply and when she checked, he had deleted her off his facebook friend list.

Is it really that big a deal?

She doesn't think so.

I need to hear from my men readers.. email me at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

190. Just Who's Wedding Is It Rebecca?

Dear Rebecca Twiggley

You are headed for relationship ruin.

I listened with fear and bewilderment last night as you spoke abouut your upcoming wedding to Chris Judd.

A wedding that, by your own omission, you have planned all by yourself. You basically said you have shunned all Chris's ideas and have instead just accepted his money.

Ok correct me if I am deluded but isn't a wedding a celebration of the love that two people share?

Haven't you already had your solo moments in the spotlight where everyone gushes about how gorgeous you are?

Your passive-agressive behaviour style of addmitting that Judd is fabulous but just not fabulous or classy enough to have an input in YOUR big day will see you, within 7 years, in a failed marriage.

Someone else will come along that will let Chris know his ideas are wanted. And his view is important.

And he will leave you.

Think it doesn't happen to gorgeous model types?

You might want to check again with Elin Woods.

All the best - you'll need it.

The RD.

189. Headband For Bedbanging?

Try wearing a headband to bed. Be naked but for the headband.

Girl on top will take on a bit more of naughty school girl feel that your guy might truly love.

Which can only ever work in your favour..

188. Why Do We Always Blame The Girl?

Recently someone I know well was being pursued by someone’s boyfriend. So rather than cause any unnecessary angst, this friend of mine contacted the girlfriend in question and let her know what her lover was doing behind her back.

The evidence was huge, there was literally hundreds of emails as well as dates that could be matched to back up the guy’s infidelities.

At first the girlfriend thanked her – said she respected my friend so much for coming forward.

But then – the tables turned. And my friend became the bad guy as the wronged girlfriend said she just wanted to move on. Which meant forgiving her boyfriend and commencing a hate campaign about my friend.

Why do we blame the girl? Who owed this girlfriend nothing? And who infact, and this of no dispute, didn’t even know this guy had a girlfriend?

Insecurity. There can be no other reason.

Deal with your boyfriend. He let you down. And no-one else.

Plus remember – if we keep acting this way towards the girl in question, one day she won’t tell you what’s actually going on.

And then you really will look stupid.

187. Love.....Understood?

You have heard of chemistry between people or the chemistry of a sports team. Well, attraction and attachment, as much as we hate to admit it, doesn't come from the heart. It comes from subconscious feelings. Love is about how the other person makes you feel... That isn't magic, and there isn't just that "one person out there for you". The fact of the matter is that love involves nonverbal reactions--synaptic (chemical) connections within our brains--despite how unromantic that sounds.

Every love passes through these stages..Lust is a passive phenomenon and is just a craving……Attraction on the otherhand is a blinding sensation…When attraction, or romantic passion, comes into play, we often lose our ability to think rationally -- at least when it comes to the object of our attraction. The old saying "love is blind" is really accurate in this stage. We are often oblivious to any flaws our partner might have. We idealize them and can't get them off our minds. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part of our biology.

LOVE consists of three stages---

1.Lust
2.Attraction
3.attachment

The attachment, or commitment, stage is love for the duration. You've passed fantasy love and are entering into real love. This stage of love has to be strong enough to withstand many problems and distractions

•MRI scans have shown that love lights up parts of the brain linked to the reward system that can cause drug addiction
•Early stage romantic love activates different parts of the brain to sex drive and attachment
•Falling in love appears to reduce serotonin levels in the blood in a similar way to obsessive-compulsive disorders

So what happens in the brain?


Love occurs due to the mediation of certain molecules which also act in drug addiction,compulsive disorders and other mental problems…

Dopamine- is thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss.high levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement.

The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and ... men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed.

When The Honeymoon's Over

Some scientists believe that after a certain period, from 18 months to 4 years, one's body gets used to these love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to the love chemicals, passionate romances can cool .In this phase of the relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain opiates more like morphine than the attraction chemicals.These morphins and endorphins can cause attachment or if conditions are unfavourable the love is cooled off….this is the crucial period during which marriages can stay or break…that is why divorces peak at 4years after marriage…

Understand it better? I'd love to hear your love stories - email me at @
therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

186. Dare to Bare?

So I recently surveyed some readers about the need to be bare.

Down there..

But the twist is the survey was of women who wanted men to be just skin below.

They told me that not only did women these days want their men to be trimmed - they wanted it ALL gone.

Granted the women I surveyed were under 25 but that still doesn't mean you (and the next person you are naked with) won't enjoy the following tips

Trimming
Perhaps the most basic and judicious way involved in removing pubic hair and cutting away the shag hiding your manhood is simply to trim it back. Two affordable options exist: scissors and electric trimmers. Scissors are acceptable when used by skilled hands, but an electric trimmer is highly recommended for removing pubic hair. Scissors, aside from being dangerous to wield around such a sensitive area, can result in an uneven, scraggly look that almost defeats the purpose unless you’re careful. Be smart, use a trimmer.

Shaving
The razor is a very popular weapon of choice when removing pubic hair, and justifiably so. For most guys, this grooming technique is familiar and a good solution. When shaving away pubic hair, not only do you get a super-clean, hygienic look, but you also get to do it discretely in the shower, with tools already stocked in the medicine cabinet. Thus, it’s a well-rounded option for a lot of guys. Want a piece of advice for optimal results? Use a women’s razor halfway through a hot shower.

Depilatories
Many well-known brands now have a men’s depilatory entry on the hair-remover market, and many guys are taking stock in this technique for removing pubic hair. These creams, which dissolve hair so that it can be wiped away, are a mid-market option: They cost a bit more than trimmers or razors, but lessen the amount of time involved in upkeep. While they might be better for those areas around your goods, if you choose this option, be wise and test the product on the inside of your elbow first, then wait 48 hours to be sure your skin has no adverse reactions.

Waxing
Long thought of as a woman’s prerogative, waxing is making great strides in gender equality. Men have caught on to the many benefits that waxing offers: smooth, longer-lasting results. In fact, it’s the last stop before permanent hair removal, so it does have its advantages. However, some bad does come with the good: Waxing can be painful, expensive and unsuitable for delicate regions, especially when it comes to removing pubic hair. It’s a mixed bag of tricks, so approach this method with caution and an open mind.

Electrolysis
If you’re ready to say good-bye to the bush for good, say hello to electrolysis. The only hair-removal option proven to be 100% permanent, electrolysis stands as the option for serious contenders. In only one visit you can eliminate wiry pubic hair forever. (Know that your visit, though, could last for hours and won’t be such an enjoyable experience.) Guys ready to play for keeps should definitely go a round with electrolysis.

Laser
A newer, less painful alternative to electrolysis, laser hair removal provides another permanent solution. However, the provisos weigh in favor of the cons, rather than the pros: Laser removal, though quick and relatively painless, requires multiple treatments and isn’t guaranteed to stop hair growth permanently. Both of these details can lead to added expenses during and after the treatment phase. It’s not without its merits, though, so just be thoughtful in taking this approach to removing pubic hair.

Whether you are going to pay attention to my under 25 year-old sources or not, overall, if you’re not trimming your pubic hair, you should be. Not only will the visual impact be dramatic and self-gratifying, but the rave reviews you receive from your lady friend(s) will do wonders for your libido. So, using the information outlined above, decide on the option that best suits your style and get to manscaping your midsection knowledgably and knowingly...

185. It's Just Not Sexy

I've blogged about this loser before so I am not going to waste too much more time on him but I just hope it brings home that if your boy is causing you grief after grief, that you'll get rid of him.

Because it just isn't sexy to be older than 21 and still be involved in incident after incident. Infact it's gross.

And you deserve better than that!

184. Blame or Shame?

Last week Matilda star Lisa De Vanna was in some hot water over pictures she uploaded on facebook.com

When you google the story, headings come up with various titles like "Matilda star in sex outrage" and "Soccer star sex shame"

Ok well come on!?

From where I sit, the only thing De Vanna did wrong was not having her facebook account privacy settings on high.

And that's it.

She should not be labelled a scarlet women for faking fellatio? Because doesn't that just mean, as a grown up, that she is in-touch with her sexuality??

That she knows what men like and really, really want in bed and further more, knows how to give it to them??

I agree that a 13 year old girl shouldn't see pictures of that affect. But I don't agree she should then be subject to her mother's own sexual repression.

Trawl any men sites on the www and you will see literally millions of men interviewed and asked what they want more of in from their partners and I can tell you the one thing they wish they got or even got more of is blow jobs.

And it wouldn't hurt for women to listen. I get you might not like it. And I get that you might think you don't have to do stuff you don't like.

But I want to know why you don't like it? Is it because it's completely gross to you? Or maybe, just maybe, it's because you think that you are not supposed to like it?

I also wonder if you asked a 13 year old girl if she would rather her parents were still together instead of her dad running off with his work colleague who really knew how to 'love' him?

Weekend food for thought eh..

183. Breaking Up The Band

It's a famous story of how the Beatles ended; John meets girl, can't get out of bed with girl, breaks up world's most famous band..

It's a tough battle to fight, new lust. And when it happens to one of your friends there really isn't anything else to do but ignore them.

He'll be selfish, self-involved and self-centred. And he will only want to spend time with "her".

You can try staging an intervention or yelling at your friend but all that will happen is he will want to see her more. Just like when your parents tried to ban you from seeing your older, long-haired smoker boyfriend when you were in Yr 9.

Take some solace in knowing though that it's inevitable that such an unhealthy relationship will end eventually and it's then that your friend will realise his mistake and it's also then that you will hold all the cards of continuing the friendship..

182. Threesomes..Or Not?

With modern technology and social networking sights these days, its almost impossible to have more than one girl on that go at any time.

Need further proof?

A guy I know is very cute. And fancies himself as quite the ladies man. Although just recently I labelled him a clumsy lothario...

See he was really, really stringing two girls along. But with facebook.com, there was no way they didn't know about each other.

So he had to create a web of lies explaining them to each other. He called one a weird stalker that he didn't speak to and the other a jealous violent skank.

He thought that would be enough to keep them away from each other.

What he didn't count on however was that both of these girls were good people and indeed smart people.

And cracks started to appear in his stories.

Eventually one girl decided to contact another girl via said social networking site.

And the truth really came out. Numbers, stories and dates were swapped.

And the boy was confronted with the evidence.

Now the boy has neither girl.. and I doubt he is looking forward to returning from his current trip in London

181. Catch More Flies With Honey..

As recently as this week, I had my first female stalker aka the new girlfriend of a boy I had a fling of sorts with.

The young lady's angst was apparent from the number of facebook messages and friend requests I was receiving from her army of devoted yet crazed friends desperate to get a look into my facebook page and perhaps crack the code about what it was that kept her new boyfriend wanting to still contact me long after our fling was ove. (he often demonstrated this to her by constantly messaging me or calling me in her presense. Clearly his lack of knowledge of women is fodder for another post altogether..)

Anyway.. it became clear that I had two choices - either go to the police which did seem a little extreme at this stage or go straight to the source.

And so I sent my little stalker-gal a carefully worded yet light email letting her know that I was definitely not intertested in her boyfriend. That I had deleted his number and had deleted him from my (all important) facebook friend list. I let her know that girls as a whole should stick together and she had nothing to worry about in me.. (her boyfriend's roving eye will become apparent to her in her own time..)

Not long after she sent me a charming yet grateful reply saying she was happy that I had considered her feelings and that in turn she was happy for me and her lover to continue a friendship of sorts.

And then the stalking stopped.

NB the RD does not condone any sort of stalking behavouir and reminds you that its is indeed a criminal offence. If you are experiecing unwanted attention from someone at any stage, the RD advises you to seek advice by calling your local police station on 131444