44. New Year Resolutions

Next year I plan to

1) Send less emails and write more letters
2) Be much nicer more often to my FMM
3) Take my make up off every night before I go to sleep
4) Eat more watermelon
5) Read even more books
16) Go to even more movies by myself

Bring on 2010!!!

Write and tell me what yours are - relationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

43. Best Advice Ever

I did'nt come up with this advice but it applies to everyone. For every reason.

"If you want something different to what you have always been getting, you need to do something different to get it"

Or something like that.. you get the idea.

42. Alone Time

If the idea of going to the movies by yourself or taking yourself fot coffee chills you to the bone.. you need to stop and think.

Why would any clever, handsome, interesting man want to date you with if you don't want to date yourself?

I've been known to take myself to two movies, one after the other and then a cocktail - its deliciously libertaing!!

41. Ode from Obama

Michelle Obama gave a recent interview on Oprah where she was asked what the secret was to her successful marriage with Barack.

The glamourous Mrs Obama said "when you pick someone to date or marry, you have to really, really like them as a person.

What they stand for and who they are. Then when they make you really, really mad... which is going to happen, you are always going to get through it!"

Vote one from me for Michelle.

40. Small Stuff, Don't Sweat It

Today can be a stressful day.

Early mornings, a late night the night before, alcohol, expenses, great Aunt Gwen and her bad temper etc etc..

Let it wash over you, you don't know what next year will be like and who will even be around.

Today - choose to hug it out rather than fight!





To all my friends and family, I feel blessed to have you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

39. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

Dear Readers

Wishing you a very Merry and safe Christmas Day!

Best regards,

RD

38. E-Male

I often receive emails asking for stories on how people met so I have decided to share a favorite one of mine!

Ten years after leaving school, my friend Tania recieved one of those joke group emails, the type that is sent to loads of different people at once.

Also receiving the email was Sam, a guy Tania went to school with.

Moments later, Sam sent Tania his own email asking her how she was after all these years.

Sam, who was then based in London, continued the email flirtation for several months until he was due home to Oz where he asked Tania out for coffee.

He is still here... with his wife Tania and their three gorgeous kids!

Pays to read those group emails after all..

If you have a story that you want to share, please email me at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

37. Rough Landings

Whilst I am a huge fan of sparks and butterflies when it comes to love, long term love will need more.

Need further proof?

When asked if she would marry her husband of 35 years again (after 4 children, 3 hectic but successful businesses, lots of family drama, tragedy and heartache), a wise woman said to me "No, he is not a safe place to fall"

See how your man acts in a crisis that doesn't affect him - the truth about the future doesn't get any clearer than that.

36. Get to Mars Occasionally

Unless you have a FMM (favorite male mind) that you can trust to be frank and honest, like I do - I can understand that it might be very hard to know what on earth is going on inside their heads.

I do however have a few small tips.

1) Read FHM, Ralph, Men's Health or infact any mag you see a man leaf through for longer than six minutes.

2) Watch Transformers, Transformers 2, MTV or infact any tv show you see a man hooked on

3) Read http://www.smh.com.au/executive-style/ daily

Remember that magazines like Cosmo and Cleo are edited by women, so are not as blunt and truthful as men are...

NB Please note that Cosmo and Cleo magazine are like air to me and I am not suggesting not reading them altogether.

35. Obey The Code

I am immediately concerned about any woman that struggles to maintain long friendships with other women.

Alarmed infact.

I will ask any girl straight up, who tells me they are unable to have non-destructive relationships with men, just how their gal pals are.

If the answer is "I don't really have any female friends" - it's time for serious reflection.

A friendship between two women is based on trust, respect and honesty.

A friendship between a man and a woman is sometimes (before the feedback starts..) about sex. Even if its not her, he wants to sleep with, but her other female friends.

A healthy friendship between two women is generally balanced, with the two women receiving mutual benefits from the friendship.

And you cannot put on a bikini and pull the wool over their eyes.

If you do not have friendships like this and instead, your bff past looks like a car wreck of betrayal and tears, a serious talking to is needed.

You need to know how to win your own kind over first, before a man will get serious about you.

You are just too scary otherwise.

34. For C

33. Mirror Mirror Update....

I have received a flood of emails already about my Mirror Mirror post ...

Therefore I am elaborating. I am not on TW's side. But..

Women with children have a very hard job, I don't doubt that.

However, it seems a common theme is to give less time to the husband and themselves when the new arrivals arrive.

I don't have the answer except to say that it is important to EVERYONE, especially the children, for the mother to make time for the husband as well.

If that sounds too hard, then you are putting your relationship in the too hard basket, too easily.

And you deserve what's coming.

If anyone has any ideas, feedback or just general commentary on the above, I would love to hear it - please drop me a line at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

32. Pledge

I pledge to write one new post every day from this day forward.

I have been very busy researching, researching, researching....

New posts coming soon!!

31. Mirror Mirror

It's perhaps too early but at some stage Elin Woods will need to relect.

I do not condone Tiger Woods behaviour however as the old saying goes "It always takes two to tango"

Reccommended reading is "The Truth About Cheating" by M. Gary Neuman.

1 out of 3 men will cheat at some stage and 98% of them said it wasn't about the sex, but about the loneliness and how they felt in the relationship.

Something to think about today...

30. Ms Marjorie Daw, Spinster.

I received an email this morning from a reader who declared she was giving away her latest date as he didn't give her enough attention.

I called in the help of a guy pal and asked what did men deem "enough attention" in those early dating stages.

I spoke to my woeful girlfriend again and I was left only with this.

Those two friends of mine should never meet, let alone date.

And thats the answer isn't it.

There are no real hard and fast rules, in the early stages, about what either the man or the woman should or shouldn't do.

It's really about finding someone who wants the same things you do, hence evening out the see-saw.

I suggest if you are in the same situation as my friend, pick 3 things you don't like about the new guy you are dating and thinking of dumping, and then pick 5 things you do.

Still feel the same way?

Be careful that you don't miss out on the conversation you have been waiting to have your entire life by jumping up and down too much on your end of the teeter-totter.

29. For Fat's Sake!!

"Just overheard a guy talking about his girlfriend on the train "she's getting fatter everytime I see her"...

And so reads the facebook.com status of my best friend.

Boys, when you notice your girlfriend getting too big for her bikini - ask her to join you at the gym, make her a salad, take her camping, buy her a bike for her birthday, take up salsa dancing together or better yet, buy her flowers every day for a week. And then buy her perfume. Before you know it, she will be wanting to have alot of sex with you. Best fat burning activity ever!!

And girls, when your boyfriend asks you to exercise with him, it's because he wants to spend time with you and be seen with you. Do not turn him down. Get off the couch and go and do it. New Years Eve is only 21 sleeps away...

Non-fat food for thought from Bart, a guy friend of mine "If a guy thinks a girl is a 5/10 on the attractive scale, the moment she starts working out, she instantly jumps to a 7"

28. Porn Again

Today I received an email from a reader who was frustrated about her boyfriend watching porn. My reader was feeling rather left out. I suggested the following game for two..

Next time, your man wants to watch strangers get it on, let him know you want to join him.

However, for the first half of hour of the viewing... neither of you can touch each other or yourselves. Then next time, change the rules slightly so he can't touch you at all until its over. You, on the other hand, are free to do as you please.

I guarantee you will definitely feel like a major star of the show.



NB The viewing of pornographic material involving anyone under the age of 18 is illegal and the Relationship Dr does not condone it.

27. Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels?

How about not having a drug habit KM?

I'm not a fan. I have a friend who is - she also quoted to me last week "everyone is entitled to their opinion"

Okay.. so then was Stalin. And his friend Hitler.

That debate aside - I come to another point.

The thing about outlandish statements, even when followed by the usually insincere "I know its wrong to say this but..." - is that the people that you are saying them to are quietly judging you and passing it on in a way that is ruining your personal PR.

And whilst you might think your statements are nothing, the hot new guy that hears it from your friend, who is a friend of a friend, and doesn't know that you are also funny, clever, kind and warm, starts to know you as the girl who worships Kate Moss and hates fat people.

Need further proof? I have a friend whom I adore. On occasion though, she can be incredibly ignorant. She announced to me a few months ago that she believed that Australia wouldn't have any crime issues if we "stopped letting Indian people into Aus"

For me and lots of others... there is many, many things wrong with that statement, so whilst I smiled politely and told her I didn't really agree with her, the next time I was on the phone with my uber hot guy friend, I let go about said crazy statement.

A few weeks later, my hot guy friend is single and looking to date - I tell him he would be perfect for this friend of mine. Unfortunately its the Indian hater.. And so my guy friend tells me I am dreaming, he doesnt even want to meet her let alone date her.

I feel a twinge of guilt as I think other than that, they would have had alot of fun... but the damage is already done.

Seriously girls - pick your muse carefully and watch your mouth. Or get ready to watch alot of epsiodes of The Hills next Valentines Day

23. Dear Reader....

26. 3250

I sincerely apologise for being absent for almost a week. I have been in the country!

The country (in this case a little town about 2 hours west of Melbourne) it seems, is teaming with eligible bachelors looking for women to meet and marry.

Good, honest, hardworking stock who are looking for an equal companion to do more than fair their share of the cooking and cleaning for them. As well as breed future generations of farmers, in return for a stable life in a big homestead and a tractor or two.

Ok, that might just have put fear into your heart.. well wait just a corn picking minute.

There are lots of bonuses when it comes to a country guy - they not big on computer games for start, preferring, to be outside, so there is no arguing about when is he going to stop playing World of Warcraft and come and play with you. (I receive soo many emails about this relationship issue!!)

Plus they are strong, have great forearms, are kind to animals and like children.

One very handsome single farmer, that I had several late night discussions about romance and relationships with, even confessed to knowing quite a bit about Sex and the City (verbatim.. " it was so good when Big went to rescue Carrie from France" ...)

Plus they like their food and I have a very good theory on men, appetites and healthy sex drives.

Now I am totally aware that might still not sound not like your cup of milky Bushell's..

And truth is, above all, the message is this - you should not rely on convention to find your soul shaker.. Just because you are city girl, do not cross these great country guys off your list just yet. At least not until you have met a few.

After all some of history's greatest ever love stories were oh so very unconventional..

25. Bring Sexy Back

What do you wear to bed? What do you lounge around the house in? What do you wear under your work clothes? Does your answer contain adjectives like comfy, old, cotton and the occasional cartoon character?

STOOOOPPPP ITTTT!!!

Go to your room right now and throw it all out! What on earth are you saving the good stuff for?

Get it out of the drawer and on you!! Do not wear them again.

If you are struggling to feel sexy on a daily basis, then dressing frumpy underneath won't help you at all!!

Need further proof?

Last week, my recently dumped but very gorgeous friend purchased some lovely Victoria Secret lingerie including stockings and mandatory suspender belts.

When she called to tell me they had arrived, she added that she couldn't wait to show them off to someone next time she had a boyfriend. I berated her immediately. Told her to get them out of her underwear and to wear them to work.

Obediantly, the next day she woke up and put them on under her suit. When she walked into her workplace with an extra swagger in her step, her colleagues noticed the uplift in her attitude. So did the extremely hot guy from Accounts.

NB The best news is that you don't need to spend a fortune on all your sexy lingerie. With designers like Collette Dinnegan now stocking at Target (her range includes French knickers, corsets, chemises, plunge bras, briefs and boy shorts in champagne, cream, raspberry, black and chocolate) there is now something even for the budget conscious...

24. Can A Tiger Ever Change His Spots?

I received quite a few emails from readers yesterday after my last post asking why cheating wasn't always a deal breaker.

Again I think its a very personal decision that can only be made by the person directly involved ie you.

Once you get through the awful first stage of finding out and have talked it over with your partner, the next stage of getting on with it, is just as hard.

If you do decide to trust him again, then this means that you have to learn to not question him every time he doesn't answer when you call or sms. And you have to really, try to not get mad at him when he has a new mysterious woman facebook friend.

However, the onus also has to be on your partner to make an effort to regain your trust by not giving you too many reasons to be suspcious.

If he is making a huge effort, then you need to decide if the punishment on you fits the crime.. Does being with him still make you really, really happy? Do you really believe him when he says it won't happen again? Are you still in love with him?

Only you can truly know the answer to that..

NB I'd advise against staying with someone you do not trust just because you have kids. A friend of mine (whose parents didn't divorce after the love was gone) once said to me "If your parents are fighting every day, your home is already broken"

23. What's Your Deal Breaker?

It me astounds what different women will and won't put up with.

Today I was a spectactor at a Magistrates Court. I witnessed a young lady who was present on a very serious charge relating to a drug of independance.

She was facing jail. Afterwards, as she was led away into custody, she declared her love for her still asleep partner.

On another scale, I am also suprised when women turn a blind eye to cheating, lying, and gambling or partners that swear at them and call them stupid on a daily basis.

I guess they are my deal breakers however.

Everyone will have different ones, but I really believe that for everyone, the deal should be off if your partner no longer makes you happy.

Or perhaps, its not about having someone else make you feel happy. Perhaps its about thinking you are worth being treated with respect.

Guess what, that starts with you showing yourself respect first.