69. Hearts and Bears

It's just fourteen days til Valentines Day.

And whilst you might scoff at the idea, it's a good excuse for you to use your imagination, exert some effort and plan something that will remind your lover you think he or she is really gorgeous.

Valentines Day does'nt have to be kitsch or corny and just because you don't believe in the commercial side of it, doesn't mean that you shouldn't plan a few hours of knocking your lovers socks off. Literally.

Plus you'll be suprised at how ignoring a day set aside for couples can be suicide for your relationship when he hears how Josh's girlfriend arranged a naked picnic and served the dips off her stomach.


You have just fourteen days..

68. Breaks

Sometimes your boyf will tell you he wants a break from the relationship.

He is probably lying.

It could be his way of building up to breaking up with you.

Need further proof?

I have a very good friend called Darion.

A few years back he dated a gorgeous girl.

But she didn't have her own intertests.

So he grew tired of her.

And every Saturday night on the way home from the pub he thought about dumping her.

But when he woke up, he was always hung over. So he didn't do it.

Eventually he told her that he loved her but he thought it was important for their relationship if they had a break.

So that he could have time to miss "them"

He confessed to me that he never, ever intended on getting back with her.

And that night had stated seeing someone else.

You need to know this stuff. It really does happen.

He will leave you if you treat him badly.

He might just dress the idea up in a fancy packed piece of luggage.

67. The Ugly Truth

Sunday arvo is a always a good time for some couch time.. This new release dvd will entertain the both of you!

Worth a look today..

66. Jackass

I shake my head with disgust as another case of "spermjacking" reached me this week.

For those of you whom are unfamiliar with the phenonomen, urbandictionary.com best describes it as

:The process of taking someone's sperm and using without their permission.

This is extremely mental. Please don't do this if you are thinking about it.

If you think this will "keep" him in your life, you are wrong.

I have seen men walk away without a backwards glance leaving the jacker to be a single mum and the baby fatherless.

A single mum is not a glamourous gig.

Infact it looks really, really, really freaking hard.

It's also a rare type of man that would get serious about a woman who already has a kid so you'll just make your dating life even harder.

It's defintely not the romantic drama you think it's going to be.

If you are seriously contemplating doing this, you need to go and see a counsellor before you ruin at least three lives.

It's unappropiate, selfish, unbalanced behaviour.

65. WTF??

Tony Abbott's comments about saving yourself for marriage are not only draconian but they are irresponsible.

A healthy sex life should be a large part of any balanced relationship.

And I believe you have more of a chance of having a balanced relationship if you have been able to practice at it.

Meaning that you need to expereince more than one partner in life! In all manners of the word.

Plus how do you know that your future husband is going to be up for a lifetime of suprise butt sex or whatever you are into if you have'nt practiced it with him already?

Mr Abbott, you are being an idiot!!

Zip it.

64. Check It

I loved this book and fully recommend you add it to your "read it" list before February!

63. Sexxx

I'll warn you again

99.9% of all men would like to have more sex.

Seems simple to me but alot of women just still don't know what they have until its gone.

I refer to my earlier post about getting girlie to get into the mood if you need it.

It may also be of interest to know that, of a survey I reccently carried out, 100% of all men said they often recollected about an ex-girlfriend that was keen on sex more than they thought about their current girlfriend who was never in the mood.

Scared? You should be.

I'd go and get into that bubble bath right now if I was you, tonight is as good as night as any to partake in some action that really should make up a big part of your relationship.

How else are you supposed to express how much you like your guy?

Start tonight!

After all, it's not called Hump Day for no reason.

62. Mind your Language

A man will turn off you instantly if you, during any course of your conversation during the first seven years at least that he knows you, you say any of the following

a)When I went to the clairvoyant that other day, she said..

b)We totally met because I carried out a "Love Spell" last weekend

c) Oh its a shame you are a Taurus, because my perfect match is a Scorpio

If your friends have not said this to your face already, then its only because they do not want to hurt your feelings.

61. Get Girlie!!

Reading a mag this am, I was dismayed to hear that jodpurs where being tauted as a big thing for this winter.

Stop that!!

I am further dismayed and frankly amazed at the difference between what women think is hot on women and what men think is hot?

When the hell did this happen?

I'll spell it out clearly for you

Men think women are sexy when they are showing off their anatomical differences - ie boobs and bum. And legs.

Not hiding them in baggy pants!!

Furthermore throw out your tracksuit pants. And your big t-shirts.

Run a bubble bath, throw on some episodes of Sex and City, paint your nails (but not blood red!!)

Lather your feet in moisturizer, brush your hair 100 times and call your BFF for a gossip about boys.

Relish in the power you have that is all yours by just being a girl!

NB Men also do not think leopard print is hot. Even if it is on pair of $500 shoes.

60. Counters

How many times have you heard parents say to their kids "I'll give you til three"?

And then how many pay any attention and how many ignore them?

Depends, you see, on how much integrity the counter has.

If the kid knows that nothing is going to happen when the counter gets to three, then said kid has nothing to risk by behaving poorly.

Men are sooo like this.

I know full well because my "I am never talking to you ever again" is not met with the begging and tears it deserves.

Infact, these days, it's more like I said I am going to get milk.

My own fault - I've said it 400 times and clearly don't mean it..

Better tip would be to stop the completely empty threats and do everything I said I was going to, when I said it and not say anything at all that I didn't mean!

I'll start this new attitude tomorrow.

I am quite sure this will be good news to someone at least.

59. The Mother of All Laws

Blood really is thicker than water! And it pays to remember that..

I would always advise about taking on your partner's mother as a rival.

Infact I would suggest getting in really good with her, over anything else.

Even if she is really, really annoying!

I would also advise against making it your family versus his family.

Be assured he probably finds your family rather tiresome as much as you find his bothersome.

The best advice would be just to suck that all up.

Treat both families as equals, including time spent with them.

Infact spend even more time with his family if possible.

Absolutely nothing good can come of making out your family is better than his.

Get this sorted before Easter if you want to have an exceptional Christmas from now on.

NB Remember if there are kids involved, you owe it to them to ensure they are appropiately socialised and this means making sure they have good bonds with their extended family.

Plus grandparents make excellent babysitters!!

58. Space Invader

From time to time, your boyfriend will need space.

If he emotionally intelligent, he will be able to ask for it. If you are emotionally intelligent, you will be able to recognise it.

If you value your relationship, you will listen to what he says, and leave him be for a few hours.

This means no texting him, or calling him or sitting outside his house in your car until he is ready!!

This means just leaving him be until you hear from him again. Even if it's the next day..

Besides, he cannot miss you if you don't leave him be, every now and then!

57. Number One Rule

Talk, talk, talk over anything that is bothering you! Send an email or write a letter if you have to.

Don't talk about it with your friends 100 times - tell him instead.

You should definitely pick your times, like not when his favorite show is on or when he first gets home from work. But you should talk it through.

If it's something really tricky, then I suggest talking it over on a long car drive, when you both don't have to look directly at each other, as a good tip.

But seriously, talk it through.

You owe it to him and you!

55. Humorous Hamish

Recommended reading for January!!

It's very good.

Zoe Foster & Hamish Blake are insightful and delightful!

Check it out right now - only 31 days til Valentine's Day

54. Try, Try, Try Before You Bye

I am alarmed about the number of people I am hearing of, who are headed for divorce after less than six months of marriage.

Why?

Why are they getting married if they are not 1000% sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with this man?

I am even hearing stories that some women are starting affairs only weeks after the big day? (yes, women)

That makes no sense.

Surely these women have already lived with their man before they married them?

Met their friends and their family? Dealt with their COD addiction?

And surely they have gone on lots of holidays with them too?

I am a firm believer you don't know anyone until you have lived together and gone on holidays together, as nothing tests a relationship like cancelled flights and lost luggage!!

If you have your eye on someone else already, then you have no right to hold a wedding. (It's heartbreaking to others and there are starving children in your suburb FFS!!)

There should be no real suprises after the "I Do" part

It's really, really not cool girlfriends.

Get it together. You are being gross and selfish.

53. Balancing the Sister Act

"I have to check what Daniel is doing and then I'll get back to you"

When a girl cannot make plans with her BFF without consulting her boyfriend, this grates on me.

It's a real a pet hate of mine. And a mistake that lots of girls make.

It's damaging to your friendship as well as your relationship. It's also immature.

A healthy lifestyle is based on balance and that includes this scenario.

As a BFF, I would start to not make plans with my sister-friend once she only wanted to spend time with me if her boyfriend was busy.

As a BFF, you have a responsibility to be a good friend, infact a great friend.

It's in the contract we signed at our first sleepover.

52. Trashbag = Tragic

I enjoy a drink as much as anyone. Infact, its a rare day that I don't partake in a glass of a pinot noir or a delicious semillion.

But writing yourself off is no way to write a love story.

When girls get drunk, sometimes we get loud. And loud is scary to men. Unless it's explosives or Revenge of the Fallen or Foo Fighters in concert.

Furthermore when girls get drunk, we decide it's time to ask inappropiate questions like "so, how much money do you make?" or "how come you don't have a girlfriend?"

Boys hate this.

And whilst they might sleep with you a few hours on - they have already decided to not get serious about you. At all.

If you need courage for a night out, head to the gym every day plus purchase a pair of really hot heels.

Don't drink yourself brave.. it's a battle you won't win.

PS For those of you who live under rocks, boys also do not enjoy the fragrance of vomit. Seriously.

51. Find Your Cause

What's your fight? Do you have a cause?

I truly believe the path to a better feeling of harmony within is not being afraid to rage about a battle on the out.

Before the end of summer, find something to believe in, that gives you nothing, but a good feeling on the inside, back.

Put yourself out there to find it and make sure it hurts you just a little bit to get involved in it.

Remember you get back, what you give out.

NB The Relationship Dr doesn't advocate plastic surgery as a way to get said good feeling. If you get a nose job, you are still going to be ugly on the inside. End of story.

50. Attention Seeker

I have a lovely friend who deserves a wonderful boyfriend.

She, especially, deserves one because I give her almost full marks for trying. She definitely puts herself "out there" when it comes to meeting men.

I can, however, glaringly see where she is letting herself down and I want to point it out to her - I doubt she is alone so I am sharing her story. (Sorry M..please remember that I really, really love you!)

Now, my said beloved friend reccently met a man who sounds divine.

However, as it was just before Christmas when they met, they have found each other on opposites sides of the world, after just a few dates.

As is etiquette in the modern dating world, they swapped email addresses before their trips.

My friend forwarded me the emails they exchanged (there have been two each) and frankly I fell asleep.

It was all very polite ie how was your Christmas, I am enjoying the beach, Happy New Year, can't wait to have a break etc.

Yawn!!

I would bet the life of my FMM, that this guy has a few of these email girlfriends on the go. And all of them are being polite.

But who is standing out?

I was in a kind of similar position once - emailing the odd one here and there.

One reply stood out to me and frankly still does.

I'll share how he signed off below..

"Anyway, im away with work all week - drop me a line if you want.

And just to be controversial - what are your thoughts on the failure of the UN to act on Darfur, and based on your thoughts there, is the UN even relevant in today's global environment where the US acts without UN approval?"

Considering the previous part of the email was polite and perfunctory, my interest was rocked right to the toes of my Choos.

Dare to be different M.. you deserve it!

49. 12,775

I mentioned the other day that this post was coming.

My FMM is always a source of fascinating conversation and with this topic, he did not let me down.

The other night, he gave me a run down on someone he knows, a young lady, that has had a lot of partners in her short sexual history. More than that, she seems to have had alot of partners from the same circle of friends.

And for that she was ferociously judged by my FMM.

Is this right or wrong, or just someone's opinion, the same as whether you like electronica or lepoard print?

I think it's the latter.

Because he doesn't have any idea how many people I have slept with. Would he stop talking to me if he knew?

In his defence, he tells me he also doesn't like her because she cheated on her boyfriend, a comrade of his, once upon a time.

Yet, I know he is friends with other people who have also cheated on their boyfriends.

Myself, I am not a fan of anyone that has ever lived with their girlfriend before. I also find anyone, who has ever, at any stage, gone after someone with a boyfriend, disgusts me.

Although if my forthcoming soul shaker had done all that before I met him, would my "rules" go out the window?

That's my double standard

NB The RD wants her readers to know that in no way should this post reflect poorly on her FMM. Our conversations are like constant fresh air to her.

48. facecrook.com

I am seriously thinking about closing my facebook.com account this year.

I think its contributing to the dating world spinning a little out of control and I believe it to be unhealthy.

Its a mixed up world where you already know what your new date, boyf, lover etc etc's ex looks like.

That sort of stuff used to be for years down the track when you would pull out old photos together and look through them and giggle.

Now, however, you even know what her new boyfriend looks like.

Let alone the day of dread when you see "is no longer in a relationship" appear on her page.

That sort of paranoia should be left for crazy/stalker people but facebook.com brings it into our loungerooms.

facebook.com is also kind of like having your boyfriends "number" dangled right in front of you and any lady with an overactive imagination (all ladies!!) is left to wonder just how does 'he' know Kelly or Samanatha, the cute blonde girls on his friends list.

So there you have it, I am recommending closing down your account.

Ill just play one more game of Scrabble and poke an ex or two first.

47. For My FMM

46. Double Standards

After yet another interesting conversation with my FMM.. tomorrow I shall blog about double standards.

Send me your thoughts by tomorrow to therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

45. Shut Up?

I want to know when did it become acceptable to publicly humilitate your partner.

The one who you trust enough to let them sleep next to you every night?

The fact is it didn't.


And yet at the moment, I am coming across couples who think it is ok to speak to each other in a highly innappropiate manner in front of other people that they might not even really know.

Personally this is a deal breaker for me. I'm a fan of the mantra; internal debate, external cohesion.

It is a fantasy to think, that when in a relationship, you are not going to really annoy each at some stage. But that sort of fighting is best done behind closed doors. It's ugly, unfair and doesn't show any respect for the people you are doing it in front of. Let alone your partner.

Having my lover tell me to shut up or that I am an idiot in front of people just isn't ok.

And therefore I would never do it to them.

Being in a relationship is as hard as walking a tightrope - but learn to walk it with grace or jump down.

You have no right to speak to him like that. Nor he you.