104. An Affair To Remember

On the day that Noel started work at the Sofitel Gold Coast, he met Melinda, the hotel's pay clerk.

Three days later, Melinda sent Noel an email to his work address "It's nice to have you on board, let me know if you ever want to go for a drink"

Nathan was suprised as Melanie was married. She must just be very friendly he thought.

By the end of the week, they were swapping emails on the hour.

A week or so later, Melinda asked Noel what he was doing for State of Origin rugby league match that night.

"Going to my local pub" he said. "I might meet you there" Melinda told him. "Whats your mobile number?"

They swapped numbers. She didn't meet him there but she did now have his number in her phone.

They started texting daily until about 9pm each night. (9pm was when Melinda's husband James would arrive home).

That Friday night, they went for a drink after work.

Noel had worked at the Sofitel for only two weeks.

By 11pm, they had separated from their colleagues and were sharing a passionate kiss in an alley behind a pub.

They went back to Noel's house and had sex.

Then Melinda called at taxi and was back in James's bed by 3am.

Over the weekend, Melinda sent Noel as many secret texts as she could manage without being caught.

By Monday am, both of them were filled with the kind of excitement that only an affair can muster.

Huge stomach butterflies and a sense of really, really feeling alive.

They had more chances to be together at work.

They took secret rides in the staff lift, kissing and groping each other whenever possible.

They send 100's of emails about what they would do to each other as soon as they were next alone.

They went to secret lunches and held hands under the table.

He sent her flowers to work but had to take them home with him as Melinda could not explain them to James.

Each day was amazing for Noel, but each night was torture as he waited for her texts when her husband wasn't looking.

Melinda increased her lies to her husband, telling James she was at the gym after work.

She started going to Nathan's house for sex. The kind of sex only a forbidden affair knows.

One night she told James she was sleeping at her friend Helen's house. She stayed the whole night at Noel's so they could wake up together instead of her having to leave by 3am.

Another night she told James she had a work conference but actually Melinda and Noel headed to Brisbane for the night so that they could have dinner like a normal couple. They could have been caught. Noel didn't care.

Weeks went by and the secrecy continued.

People at their work were very suspcious.

Noel started to pressure her to leave her husband. He was in love with her and would take her away from her terrible marriage he promised.

She told him she would soon.

Weeks more went by. Noel started driving by their house. One night he got out of the car and listened at the fence.

He could hear them laughing. Like a happily married couple.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

One night, she did leave James.

She told Noel that she had come to live with him.

Noel was so happy. He believed this was his dream girl. He wanted to marry her and took her to meet his mum.

The next day, Melinda went home to James.

She sent Noel lots of texts telling him it was he that she loved, not James and that they would be together very soon but she was worried about what people would think.

She told Noel she would resign from work and get a new job and then she would leave James.

She did that.

Noel was impatient and started to doubt her.

He thought that if James knew about the affair then he would throw Melinda out and they could be together.

He no longer thought clearly.

He was consumed by this girl.

He decided to take a risk.

He printed out all the emails that Melinda and himself had sent each other. Detailing sordid moments of their affair.

He paid a Gold Coast Taxi driver $50 to deliver the emails to James.

Melinda was at her farewell drinks from the Sofitel.

James stormed in and asked the large crowd.

"Who the f@uck is Noel and who else here knows that he is f@cking my wife?"

The crowd was silent. Melinda turned white.

She jumped up and ran towards James.

"It's all lies" "I love you"

She went home with James that night and refused to take Noel's calls.

A few days later, Melinda gave James, Noel's mobile number.

James told Noel that he and Melinda were stronger than this and wouldn't be breaking up.

James put Melinda on the phone and told him the same thing. That she was sorry but she didn't have the same feelings for Noel as she did for her husband.

Noel was devastated.

A few weeks went by.

Melinda turned up at Noel's house and they had sex 5 times.

She told him she loved him and she would leave her husband soon.

She went home to her husband.

Noel knew he had being played.

Melinda and James are still married and they have a baby boy.

103. Eye Candies

This is just for fun!

And I am quite sure a few of my friends will appreciate it.

Check out all the pics at
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/lifestyle/people/whos-australias-hottest-tradie/20100225-p5it.html


Personally I prefer a man in uniform but each to their own...

102. The Island

You might have read my previous post and thought "well, what's the point?"

And considered moving to an island.

The point is this.

Unless you die tomorrow, someone will hurt you.

It is unavoidable.

So you might as well have the time of your life with your potential soul mate rather than being afraid of them.

Plus, truthfully.. life really is just better with company!

101. Some People Do Bad Things

A few years back I worked with a guy called David. He was transferred to my work with his girlfriend Tracey.

On the night that he arrived, David commenced his first affair with another girl that we worked with.

A few months later and David was having an affair with a further three women.

None of the other women knew about each other. All of them knew about Tracey and all of them worked together.

Tracey knew about none of them.

One day David decided to make the last of his affairs physical. He booked a hotel room and took the youngest of his girfriends, Chloe, to the hotel and had sex with her.

It was her 16th birthday.

Later that day, he dropped her back at her mum and dad's and then picked up Tracey who was just finishing work and took her to the same hotel room. He told her that it was a suprise for her.

He told his secret lovers that he couldn't break up with Tracey as she had cancer.

Eventually, it was all too much for Chloe and she called Tracey and told her that whilst she sympathised about the cancer, Tracey had to realise that David and Chloe were in love.

Of course there was a massive fallout.

And Tracey dumped David.

David contiuned to sleep with all the other women for a few months until the extent of his lies became apparent.

A few years later and I met a girl at work called Kylie.

Kylie was also transferred to my work.

Kylie had been in a long term relationship for four years with a guy called Mike.

They continued their very serious relationship long distance.

Except Kylie almost instantly started sleeping with other people.

She too booked hotel rooms for her secret lover.

And bought expensive lingerie to wear on this tryst.

Her boyfriend thought she was working.

She told alot of lies. Some of her trysts were married.

Men have a bad reputation for cheating, but women do it too.

Some people just do really bad things. These people are very selfish and immature. They are not emotionally evolved at all.

If you know someone like this, then please get away from them.

This behaviour is indicative that there is a bigger psychological problem at stake.

And they don't deserve you in their life.

100. Interesting Fact

Wearing stilettos will increase your chance of orgasm as they tighten your pelvic floor muscles...

99. Flowers For J & V

I want to send some virtual flowers to two friends of mine.

J - I think you have done amazingly well so far considering your heartbreak! Your fb posts make me giggle gorgeous girl. Keep going!

V - I love you alot! Hang in there...

98. Talk Is Cheap

Remember actions speak far louder than words.

Lets hope Eldrick means what he says. I do doubt it seeing as he is going for the approach of only "he" is to blame.



Let's stay tuned...

97. Selfishness

It's that ugly.

Despite how pretty you are on the outside.

96. Greatest Gift Ever

Yesterday I overheard a conversation that I want to share with you...

Two girls were on the train talking when one remarked that her live-in boyfriend had just got her the greatest gift - ever.

"he is going to turn off his mobile, unplug the house phone and not turn on the laptop or the tv all weekend. he is just going to spend the whole weekend, hanging out with me. Really hanging out"

Her friend was impressed and so was I.

However whilst it's a fabulous gesture every now and then, there is also no reason why part of it, can't make an appearance every weekend.

A few hours on your days off of just you and your significant other; no computer, no tv, no phone.

Take a walk, cook a meal, go for coffee

I also like the idea of weekend traditions; friends of mine cook pancakes together for breakfast every weekend. Another pair have a BBQ breakfast every Sunday, just them and their little girl.

And family of mine have a roast dinner (or hamburgers in the Summer) every Sunday night with their kids and another family. The kids are all grown up now but they still come home every Sunday, sit around the table and just talk, the lot of them.

And every single one of them is given equal amount of the floor to have their say on what they have been up to during the week.

Sure beats any present I've ever received.. try it and let me know what you think!

PS I also am adversely against housework or grocery shopping on the weekend. Trial getting those chores done by Thursday night for a month and email me your feedback @ therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com.

I bet you have more time on your hands for just really hanging out and you'll notice a significant change of heightened happiness in your relationships if you do..

95. Enough is Enough

I heard a story yesterday about a girl who played a nasty trick on her girlfriend.

This Cruella told her friend that a boy she knew, was interested in her and infact had been checking her out.

The unsuspecting friend, upon next seeing the boy in question, approached him and mentioned what her mean friend had told her.

"My friend said you think I am cute"

The boy in question retorted - "Your friend lied" and walked away.

See he is self-proclaimed fattist. And Cruella knew that.

Cruella should hang her disgusting head in shame, that she would think it acceptable to expose another woman, let alone her girlfriend, to such embarrasment, is sick and abhorrent and leaves me with a feeling of repugnance and loathing.

If she thinks she is funny, she is not. She is gross and a bully.

12 year old Elliott Fletcher was stabbed to death this week in a playgroud by a fellow 13 year old student, a reported victim of bullying

His only logical defence in his 13 year old mind was to stab Elliott?

An example of the flip side?

The front page of today's Melbourne Herald Sun shows images of Clinton Rintoull and Dylan Sabatino who fatally bashed Sudanese Liep Gony more than 15 times with a metal pole and then left him to die on a nature strip.

The teenagers didn't know Gony but one was heard moments before hand saying "I'll guess I'll go and take my anger out on some niggers"

Even more bullying examples?

There was an episode of the Biggest Loser last week where one of the contestants was picked on as a kid by a gang of older boys.

They beat Phil, the contestant, so bad that he went blind, suffered self-esteem issues for the rest of his life thus far and consquently was overweight and miserable.

Someone, watching the show with me, remarked that parents should teach their kids to not be fat so that they were not bullied.

Well, why don't parents teach their kids to be accepting and tolerant of everyone. All shapes, sizes and colours.

Would that not make more sense?

We should hang our heads in shame.

Every one of us that mocked someone who was overweight, Indian or had red hair.

Think it doesn't matter because you haven't killed anyone??

By either doing so yourself or standing by and watching, as people commence tirades about anyone that is different, aren't we encouraging people like Elliott's & Liep's killers. Infact aren't we breeding them? If we are their role models? And all they hear is anger and hatred for anyone who is different from us?

Isn't this is relationship blog I hear you ask?

Truth is, if you are not emotionally evolved enough to show empathy towards other people at all times, then you cannot ever expect to have satisfying and honest personal relationships.

Because how can you expect someone to truly love you, if you cannot truly love and accept others. All others.

For the rest of the day, I set you an excercise: put everyone else but yourself first. Show tolerance, acceptance and just good manners towards every other person you see.

Despite the colour, shape, size or race of them.

I remain disgusted.

94. Down On One Knee? No Need..

I was asked yesterday what made men decide to get married.

The reasons are definitely varied but I think there are two commons themes.

1) When their light is on. (as demonstrated in the below dialouge from SATC)

"Men are like cabs, when their available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide their ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that's the one they'll marry. It's not fate, it's dumb luck."

I back this dumb theory up. Saying that, I need to elaborate that the women who said it are not dumb, but the men who act on it are.

Take my FMM for instance.

A few months ago, he told me he wasn't getting married until he was 35.

Ok... so 25, climbing a very promising career ladder - check, 27, great car - check, 28, work overseas - check and then 35 married. Check?

What if he hasn't met someone suitable to marry by then?

Does he just marry anyone and then get divorced seven years later?

Does he miss out on marrying someone amazing because he meets her before he turns 35?

I must ask him to clarify his POV..

2)No need to marry

I think men ask women to marry them so that other men don't. If you are already tied to a man with a mortgage, kids, pets, cars, bank accounts - then really, there is less chance of anyone else asking you first.

So men will stall for as long as they can, as there is no fight for the prize on their hands.

That's Wednesdays food for thought anyway.

93. Break-Up or Break-Down? You Decide.

From today's paper...

"A HEART broken by Holly Valance has failed to win her former boyfriend a shorter jail term for drug trafficking.

Peter Ververis claimed being dumped by the ex-Neighbours star via a glossy magazine after a six-year romance sent him spiralling into "ice" addiction.

Two months after the break-up Ververis was arrested in a raid on his Cheltenham home in September 2006. He had $11,675 in cash, 417.6g of methylamphetamine, and chemicals used to manufacture drugs were also found at the house, which he shared with his brother, Chris.

Ververis told a psychologist he'd planned to marry Valance and turned to drug use to cope as his pain and humiliation played out in public.

"I was cut up. It was a messy break-up," he said in documents tendered to a court. "I read it in a magazine. I saw a photo of her and her new boyfriend in a magazine."

Ververis, 29, claimed his devastation caused a dependency so great he had to sell drugs to pay for his own use.

But the Court of Appeal last week refused to cut his 2 1/2-year jail term."

Valance you did wrong, but Pete... a break-up is an everyday occurance. You should not have let Holly win this by throwing your life into disarray.

Ok, so I don't know Holly or Peter in real life but I do see & hear all too often about people who suffer a "bad" breakup and then let that incident dictate their future and their future relationships.

It's time to get on with it and over it.

You need to know that your ex, like Holly, is less affected than you are and is definitely getting on with their life.

Don't let them ruin anymore than a week and get back involved in living.

Seriously.

Anything else is just pathetic.

92. Stupid Idiot? I Don't Think So

It is never okay for your partner to call you names.

Not stupid, not fat, not lazy.

Ever.

You absolutely do NOT deserve to be spoken to or treated like that at any stage.

There is never a good enough excuse on his part for that sort of poor behaviour.

He is clearly unintelligent and doesn't deserve you.

You are a gorgeous, clever, kind woman who does not have to accept that.

And if he ever, ever hits you, call the police.

91. Group Dating

I mentioned group dating a few blogs back and recieved quite a few emails asking just what that is..

Well, it's eaxctly like it sounds; groups of men and women, all single, on a big group date.

Sort of like speed dating but way less pressure and a longer time limit!

Tipped to be the dating trend of 2010, you'll find a venue that offers group dating in your capital city on google.com

I'm strapping on heels and heading to an event this weekend in fact..

90. Bad Girlfriends

Bad girlfriends...

1. Cheat
2. Lie
3. Return presents that their lovers gave them unless the size is wrong

89. Threeways

How can you tell when is it time to quit on someone?

1. When they no longer make you happy just from hearing from them.

2. When they don't even attempt to fix it when you are down.

3. When you feel like you are the least important item on their list on a regular basis.

88. Valentines Day - The Movie

If you have nothing else to do tonight or tomorrow, go see the movie!

I give it a huge 8.5 out of ten.

It's warm, funny and has a good soundtrack.

And you def don't need to be in love to watch it!

Enjoy,

87. Team Mates

When your partner runs into trouble, do you pick his side?

Or do you usually assume it was his fault?

Likewise, does he have your back most times?

Does he always choose your side first?

It will pay to note your own answers.. they could really be telling you something!

86. Effort

Even if you are the prettiest, funniest, cleverest person you know, you won't be a good partner if you don't exert some effort.

FTR, this is not calling when you said you would or even offering to do your share of emptying the dishwasher without being asked.

It's really, really showing your gf/bf that you appreciate the fact they are in your life by occasionally going above and beyond the norm and doing something just a little bit special.

For them.

I cannot be any clearer than that..

85. Hold Your Fire

From time to time, one of you will stuff up. It's inevitable (unless you are 7ft tall and blue)

I'd watch how you react to your other persons stuff up, otherwise a funny phenomenon will occur.

It won't stop anyone making mistakes but it may make them stop telling you when they have done so or perhaps make them just go away altogether.

If there is real remorse and a promise to attempt to never do such a stuff up again,and you still want them around, sometimes that truly is enough.

Truly..

84. Sexiest Couple Ever

“Demi and I have agreed that instead of doing the big thing for each other, we are going to celebrate by sharing our love with other people,” said Kutcher. "We launched our foundation, the DNA Foundation, on Monday to help trafficking victims – we have this group in New York, GEMS [Girls Educational & Mentoring Services] girls who don’t have someone to be their Valentine this year. So Demi and I are going to send flowers to all of these girls, as many as we can, and make them our Valentines.

The Demi and Ashton Foundation was established to help abolish modern day slavery, punish perpetrators and free the innocent and exploited victims. The DNA Foundation is committed to protecting the freedom of the world’s most vulnerable citizens by forcing sex slavery out of the shadows and into the spotlight."

Now if that isn't the hottest thing I have ever heard...

83. 14 Ways to Not Despair

So as I have already mentioned a few times this Sunday is Valentines Day.

And if you find yourself single, it can be a little dampening on your otherwise gorgeous spirit.

I've listed 14 ways below that you can do ensure you still embrace this Sunday..

1. Make yourself a breakfast of pancakes in bed. Don't forget the extra chocolate sauce.

2. Get a fabulous blow dry, put on your highest of heels and take your BFF out for an afternoon glass of champagne.

3. Take yourself to the movies, see whatever you like, sit where you like and get the biggest bag of popcorn and don't share it

4. Go group-dating (it will be a big thing in 2010, will by pass speed-dating as the cool)

5. Stay in your pj's all day and watch the entire series of Sex and the City.

6. Go through all your old photos, put on old 90's music and dance around. Suddenly you will remember a time more tragic than being single on Valentine's Day.

7. Take yourself off to a boxercise class. At the very least you can pretend to box the ears of one ex that broke your heart. Guaranteed you will feel liberated later.

8. Find a male friend that is also single and ask him to teach you how to play Call of Duty. The blood and violence will have you not thinking about being single in minutes.

9. Send a crush an anonymous love poem.

10. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Embrace the fact that albeit single, you have a roof over your head and food tonight.

11. Lay on the couch all day reading one of the classics like Tom Sawyer or Oliver Twist.

12. Take yourself off to the RSPCA and adopt a new pet. Or if you can't adopt one, volunteer to help out just playing with one for the day.

13. Download episodes of last season's Glee and sing along at the top of your voice.

14. Sleep in, then run a bubble bath and use the most bubbles ever.

It's only one day and frankly I am really looking forward to it!

82. Formulae

I'm often sent emails asking me what the exact secret is to finding someone great to have a relationship with.

Okay I'll tell you

It's 1/5 part luck, 1/5 part good timing, 1/5 part compatability and definitely 2/5 part compromise.

Finally finished with a heavy dusting of quite alot of your own self-respect.

Infact probably the only sure thing is that if you really like yourself, alot of other people will really, really like you too and from that it won't be hard too to find someone that you just really mesh well with.

Albert himself could'nt have written it better!

81. Five Sleeps..

I hope you have your VD plans wrapped up by now?

Remember a simple night in, by yourselves with the tv off, is just as cool.

80. Honeymooners? We Shall See..

Tripping through facebook.com today and I came across some people who got married on Saturday.

They left for their honeymoon yesterday.

They have headed to a fairly romantic destination

But so far (it's being less than 24hrs..) they have slept in, had pizza for dinner, looked at some sights and uploaded twenty pictures of facebook of these activties.

Plus played some farmville, commeneted on the odd status or five and changed their profile pictures to their dopplegangers (it's a facebook trend at the moment..)

I don't get it.

I would have really recommended leaving the computer at home.

We shall see if it's a sign of things to come...

Infact... I'll keep you posted!

79. Can't Hurt

It's worth a look!

And it's only $34.95...

Alternatively check out 'The Lazy Girl's Guide to Good Sex" by Anita Naik.

Not bad either.

78. Rant or Reflect

Dear Olivia

Your boyfriend faked his death and your daughter went missing whilst on a huge drunken bender.

Might be time to spend less time giving magzine interviews and more time reflecting on your personal relationships.

It cannot all be their fault.

Best regards,

Dr R.

Ok, she probably won't read it.

But it's a flashing sign when your personal relationships are breaking down around you, that you need to do some serious work on yourself.

At least have a think about it.

77. Proof?

Victoria Rockefeller was quoted last week saying that "there were no problems in her marriage"

Carrying on the theme from my "Green Grass" post, it seems possible that Mr Rockefeller disagreed.

A few years back, over alot of coffee and champagne, a colleague of mine regulary spoke about leaving his girlfriend of seven years.

He said he was bored and that he missed the passion and the excitement that he used to feel.

But he was afraid that if he broke up with her, it would be all too hard to sort out their joint financials. That it just altogether seemed too hard to do.

He ended up marrying her. I cannot imagine it got any better.

I hope he doesn't go looking for something more exciting and I don't hear about him on the evening news.

NB The Relationship Doctor intends no disrespect to the Rockefeller family during this tough time.

76. Law and Order

From time to time, someone will stuff up, make a mistake etc.

Just watch that the punishment you dish out, really, truly fits the crime.

Everyone makes mistakes, and when it's your turn, you'll want some leniancy.

Remember that.

75. Green Grass

I had a conversation this morning about a couple that are about to break up.

Seems that the lady in the half has met someone at work that she is wrapped up in a flirt-fest with..

Her family are advising not breaking up with her current boyf of three years.

They have reminded her that "the grass isn't always greener.."

Meh.

It might not be. But it might be too.

This lady is very, very young.. And her current boyf is her only boyf.

Ever.

To not see what else might be out there, is just not advisable.

She may always live with the regret of what if?

I think only several attempts at the dating experience gives you the wisdom of knowing that what you have, is worth the missing out on what you don't have..

I certainly look back at the boys I was interested in before hand, with the knowledge that the boy I am interested in now, is 105 times more of a man than they were or would ever turn out to be.

I would be miserable if I was still in a dalliance with my much unwiser dating experiences.

So I think the lady in question should do it - leap ahead and check it out!

74. Guess Who?

New post from a guest host coming soon!!!

73. Bad Boyfriend

If one of your friends doesn't like your boyfriend, it could just be a personality clash.

If two of your friends don't like him, then perhaps it's just the 1st friend leading the 2nd friend astray..

But if three or more of your friends don't like him...

It's time to give it all a very hard think..

72. An Interesting Exercise

Have you come to the stage with your partner where you are fighting all the time?

I suggest a little role play in your head.

Picture sitting in a chair across from your partner and what would you would say to him if you had free rein.

When you are done, turn the tables around and picture what he would now say to you given the same opportunity.

You won't be perfect.

Give it a go before you give up on him..

71. Best Notebook Ever

A great lil gift for your girlfriends... open it and it's completely blank!!

Worth a giggle at least.

70. Stalked Him Into It???

A conversation I overheard today (I'm a huge eavesdropper...)

"yes, Amanda is now dating Peter..she stalked him until he said yes and now they are hanging out".

R.E.C.I.E.P.E for disaster...

Don't do it! You'll not only be acting very desperate but you could go to jail.

And it will never last

Seriously.