189. Headband For Bedbanging?

Try wearing a headband to bed. Be naked but for the headband.

Girl on top will take on a bit more of naughty school girl feel that your guy might truly love.

Which can only ever work in your favour..

188. Why Do We Always Blame The Girl?

Recently someone I know well was being pursued by someone’s boyfriend. So rather than cause any unnecessary angst, this friend of mine contacted the girlfriend in question and let her know what her lover was doing behind her back.

The evidence was huge, there was literally hundreds of emails as well as dates that could be matched to back up the guy’s infidelities.

At first the girlfriend thanked her – said she respected my friend so much for coming forward.

But then – the tables turned. And my friend became the bad guy as the wronged girlfriend said she just wanted to move on. Which meant forgiving her boyfriend and commencing a hate campaign about my friend.

Why do we blame the girl? Who owed this girlfriend nothing? And who infact, and this of no dispute, didn’t even know this guy had a girlfriend?

Insecurity. There can be no other reason.

Deal with your boyfriend. He let you down. And no-one else.

Plus remember – if we keep acting this way towards the girl in question, one day she won’t tell you what’s actually going on.

And then you really will look stupid.

187. Love.....Understood?

You have heard of chemistry between people or the chemistry of a sports team. Well, attraction and attachment, as much as we hate to admit it, doesn't come from the heart. It comes from subconscious feelings. Love is about how the other person makes you feel... That isn't magic, and there isn't just that "one person out there for you". The fact of the matter is that love involves nonverbal reactions--synaptic (chemical) connections within our brains--despite how unromantic that sounds.

Every love passes through these stages..Lust is a passive phenomenon and is just a craving……Attraction on the otherhand is a blinding sensation…When attraction, or romantic passion, comes into play, we often lose our ability to think rationally -- at least when it comes to the object of our attraction. The old saying "love is blind" is really accurate in this stage. We are often oblivious to any flaws our partner might have. We idealize them and can't get them off our minds. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part of our biology.

LOVE consists of three stages---

1.Lust
2.Attraction
3.attachment

The attachment, or commitment, stage is love for the duration. You've passed fantasy love and are entering into real love. This stage of love has to be strong enough to withstand many problems and distractions

•MRI scans have shown that love lights up parts of the brain linked to the reward system that can cause drug addiction
•Early stage romantic love activates different parts of the brain to sex drive and attachment
•Falling in love appears to reduce serotonin levels in the blood in a similar way to obsessive-compulsive disorders

So what happens in the brain?


Love occurs due to the mediation of certain molecules which also act in drug addiction,compulsive disorders and other mental problems…

Dopamine- is thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss.high levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement.

The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and ... men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed.

When The Honeymoon's Over

Some scientists believe that after a certain period, from 18 months to 4 years, one's body gets used to these love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to the love chemicals, passionate romances can cool .In this phase of the relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain opiates more like morphine than the attraction chemicals.These morphins and endorphins can cause attachment or if conditions are unfavourable the love is cooled off….this is the crucial period during which marriages can stay or break…that is why divorces peak at 4years after marriage…

Understand it better? I'd love to hear your love stories - email me at @
therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com

186. Dare to Bare?

So I recently surveyed some readers about the need to be bare.

Down there..

But the twist is the survey was of women who wanted men to be just skin below.

They told me that not only did women these days want their men to be trimmed - they wanted it ALL gone.

Granted the women I surveyed were under 25 but that still doesn't mean you (and the next person you are naked with) won't enjoy the following tips

Trimming
Perhaps the most basic and judicious way involved in removing pubic hair and cutting away the shag hiding your manhood is simply to trim it back. Two affordable options exist: scissors and electric trimmers. Scissors are acceptable when used by skilled hands, but an electric trimmer is highly recommended for removing pubic hair. Scissors, aside from being dangerous to wield around such a sensitive area, can result in an uneven, scraggly look that almost defeats the purpose unless you’re careful. Be smart, use a trimmer.

Shaving
The razor is a very popular weapon of choice when removing pubic hair, and justifiably so. For most guys, this grooming technique is familiar and a good solution. When shaving away pubic hair, not only do you get a super-clean, hygienic look, but you also get to do it discretely in the shower, with tools already stocked in the medicine cabinet. Thus, it’s a well-rounded option for a lot of guys. Want a piece of advice for optimal results? Use a women’s razor halfway through a hot shower.

Depilatories
Many well-known brands now have a men’s depilatory entry on the hair-remover market, and many guys are taking stock in this technique for removing pubic hair. These creams, which dissolve hair so that it can be wiped away, are a mid-market option: They cost a bit more than trimmers or razors, but lessen the amount of time involved in upkeep. While they might be better for those areas around your goods, if you choose this option, be wise and test the product on the inside of your elbow first, then wait 48 hours to be sure your skin has no adverse reactions.

Waxing
Long thought of as a woman’s prerogative, waxing is making great strides in gender equality. Men have caught on to the many benefits that waxing offers: smooth, longer-lasting results. In fact, it’s the last stop before permanent hair removal, so it does have its advantages. However, some bad does come with the good: Waxing can be painful, expensive and unsuitable for delicate regions, especially when it comes to removing pubic hair. It’s a mixed bag of tricks, so approach this method with caution and an open mind.

Electrolysis
If you’re ready to say good-bye to the bush for good, say hello to electrolysis. The only hair-removal option proven to be 100% permanent, electrolysis stands as the option for serious contenders. In only one visit you can eliminate wiry pubic hair forever. (Know that your visit, though, could last for hours and won’t be such an enjoyable experience.) Guys ready to play for keeps should definitely go a round with electrolysis.

Laser
A newer, less painful alternative to electrolysis, laser hair removal provides another permanent solution. However, the provisos weigh in favor of the cons, rather than the pros: Laser removal, though quick and relatively painless, requires multiple treatments and isn’t guaranteed to stop hair growth permanently. Both of these details can lead to added expenses during and after the treatment phase. It’s not without its merits, though, so just be thoughtful in taking this approach to removing pubic hair.

Whether you are going to pay attention to my under 25 year-old sources or not, overall, if you’re not trimming your pubic hair, you should be. Not only will the visual impact be dramatic and self-gratifying, but the rave reviews you receive from your lady friend(s) will do wonders for your libido. So, using the information outlined above, decide on the option that best suits your style and get to manscaping your midsection knowledgably and knowingly...

185. It's Just Not Sexy

I've blogged about this loser before so I am not going to waste too much more time on him but I just hope it brings home that if your boy is causing you grief after grief, that you'll get rid of him.

Because it just isn't sexy to be older than 21 and still be involved in incident after incident. Infact it's gross.

And you deserve better than that!

184. Blame or Shame?

Last week Matilda star Lisa De Vanna was in some hot water over pictures she uploaded on facebook.com

When you google the story, headings come up with various titles like "Matilda star in sex outrage" and "Soccer star sex shame"

Ok well come on!?

From where I sit, the only thing De Vanna did wrong was not having her facebook account privacy settings on high.

And that's it.

She should not be labelled a scarlet women for faking fellatio? Because doesn't that just mean, as a grown up, that she is in-touch with her sexuality??

That she knows what men like and really, really want in bed and further more, knows how to give it to them??

I agree that a 13 year old girl shouldn't see pictures of that affect. But I don't agree she should then be subject to her mother's own sexual repression.

Trawl any men sites on the www and you will see literally millions of men interviewed and asked what they want more of in from their partners and I can tell you the one thing they wish they got or even got more of is blow jobs.

And it wouldn't hurt for women to listen. I get you might not like it. And I get that you might think you don't have to do stuff you don't like.

But I want to know why you don't like it? Is it because it's completely gross to you? Or maybe, just maybe, it's because you think that you are not supposed to like it?

I also wonder if you asked a 13 year old girl if she would rather her parents were still together instead of her dad running off with his work colleague who really knew how to 'love' him?

Weekend food for thought eh..

183. Breaking Up The Band

It's a famous story of how the Beatles ended; John meets girl, can't get out of bed with girl, breaks up world's most famous band..

It's a tough battle to fight, new lust. And when it happens to one of your friends there really isn't anything else to do but ignore them.

He'll be selfish, self-involved and self-centred. And he will only want to spend time with "her".

You can try staging an intervention or yelling at your friend but all that will happen is he will want to see her more. Just like when your parents tried to ban you from seeing your older, long-haired smoker boyfriend when you were in Yr 9.

Take some solace in knowing though that it's inevitable that such an unhealthy relationship will end eventually and it's then that your friend will realise his mistake and it's also then that you will hold all the cards of continuing the friendship..

182. Threesomes..Or Not?

With modern technology and social networking sights these days, its almost impossible to have more than one girl on that go at any time.

Need further proof?

A guy I know is very cute. And fancies himself as quite the ladies man. Although just recently I labelled him a clumsy lothario...

See he was really, really stringing two girls along. But with facebook.com, there was no way they didn't know about each other.

So he had to create a web of lies explaining them to each other. He called one a weird stalker that he didn't speak to and the other a jealous violent skank.

He thought that would be enough to keep them away from each other.

What he didn't count on however was that both of these girls were good people and indeed smart people.

And cracks started to appear in his stories.

Eventually one girl decided to contact another girl via said social networking site.

And the truth really came out. Numbers, stories and dates were swapped.

And the boy was confronted with the evidence.

Now the boy has neither girl.. and I doubt he is looking forward to returning from his current trip in London

181. Catch More Flies With Honey..

As recently as this week, I had my first female stalker aka the new girlfriend of a boy I had a fling of sorts with.

The young lady's angst was apparent from the number of facebook messages and friend requests I was receiving from her army of devoted yet crazed friends desperate to get a look into my facebook page and perhaps crack the code about what it was that kept her new boyfriend wanting to still contact me long after our fling was ove. (he often demonstrated this to her by constantly messaging me or calling me in her presense. Clearly his lack of knowledge of women is fodder for another post altogether..)

Anyway.. it became clear that I had two choices - either go to the police which did seem a little extreme at this stage or go straight to the source.

And so I sent my little stalker-gal a carefully worded yet light email letting her know that I was definitely not intertested in her boyfriend. That I had deleted his number and had deleted him from my (all important) facebook friend list. I let her know that girls as a whole should stick together and she had nothing to worry about in me.. (her boyfriend's roving eye will become apparent to her in her own time..)

Not long after she sent me a charming yet grateful reply saying she was happy that I had considered her feelings and that in turn she was happy for me and her lover to continue a friendship of sorts.

And then the stalking stopped.

NB the RD does not condone any sort of stalking behavouir and reminds you that its is indeed a criminal offence. If you are experiecing unwanted attention from someone at any stage, the RD advises you to seek advice by calling your local police station on 131444

180. The Very Worst Thing

Humiliation.

The worst thing about being cheated on and lied to is the humiliation.

It's expected that people will fall out of love with each other and it's expected that we as humans don't mate for life.

But it doesn't give anyone an excuse to tread all over your feelings with lies and trickery.

At one stage, you loved this person that you are now lying too. Or if even if you didn't, you should still appreciate the feelings that they have for you.

They will cope more with the fact that you now want to be with someone else, than they will cope with the realization that they have been lied to and made to look stupid in front of other people.

Imagination overdrive will kick in and they will know that possibly you lay in bed with your new lover giggling as your orginal lover called your mobile looking for you.

I've just read Tiger Wood's ex-wife Elin's account and it isn't pretty.

It simply wasn't fair how she was treated but the humiliation of it all made it so much worse.

Remember you were lucky enough to have someone, anyone love you at some stage, you do not need to trample on those feelings by amping up her humilation levels.

Be upfront and honest as soon as possible in order to make a bad situation more bearable for the heart-broken.

179. Consumed

It isn't cool to let yourself be so into your new boyfriend that you turn into a stalker destined for a trip to the magistrates court and the front page of your local newspaper.

I'll elaborate...

Someone I know very well, started a little fling with a boy. For several reasons or another, the fling ended before it's time. But I believe the two still quite like each other. Or have some serious chemistry at least.

Now the boy has started seeing someone else - but he still cannot bring himself to not contact the first girl on a very regular basis. So much so, that he often commits the dating faux pas of sending sms's to the first girl in the company of the new girl. And Im not talking one or two but more like 22 or more.

So the new girlfriend isn't altogether silly and knows a threat when she sees one. But instead of removing herself from the situation or trying to express her feelings about this to her boyfriend - she commences Operation Stalkfest.

The first girl starts to receive facebook.com emails from the second girls posse of devoted lady friends. And friend requests from the second girl's guy facebook friends. Several 100's of them. The first girl speaks to the boy in question and is told that yes, indeed, the second girl is feeling jealous of the link between the orginal two and would just like to see the first girl's pictures to know what she is up against.

Seriously. WTH????

Now probably the second girl doesn't read my blog but if she did (and for all you others who have felt the stalker gene emerge from time to time) - I am going to insist you get a grip.

Or you will just spiral out of control.

Don't let anyone else consume you to the point of breaking the law. Because that's what you are doing.

When you are starting to feel like this - I suggest you do one (or all!) of the below 5 things

1) Go get a facial. It will make you feel pampered and beautiful again.
2) Replace facial with professional shampoo and blow dry
3) Dance around your lounge room to anything by Usher, Lady Gaga or Jason Derulo.
4) Summons your girlfriends together and laugh til your cheeks hurt.
5) Get really dressed up with your BFF and go out for cupcakes Carrie and Miranda style.

No-one, no matter how cute his accent or how pretty his smile, is worth restless nights or splitting hairs over.

Plus it's really, really unattractive.

And I can guarantee you - it won't stop the original couple being together again if they want to. You will just look foolish as well as be heartbroken.

More importantly - if he is really something special and he likes you - he won't want to make you feel this way.

178. It's Never Ok.

It's never okay for your partner to be violent towards you or around you.

Rachel Taylor is my woman of the week for having the courage to speak out about ex-boyf Matthew Newton's latest violent incidents.

When someone is behaving like this, you cannot help them.

They need professional help.

It's too risky to your well-being to stay around.

It's never okay and there is no excuse.

177. Make Your Own Boyfriend?

Wouldn't it be great if you could make your own boyfriend? But tweaked in your very own way? Kind of like when you get a receipe of a friend but then you add your own favorite things to it.

If I could make my own I would add -

A pinch of love for my quirkiness

A dab of tolerance for my moodiness

Half a cup of sexy spotanaity

A generous dash of a love of current affairs and debate

Some cute name calling; more like 'beautiful' and less like 'bub' (groan..)

A thirst for travel

An ability to refelct on his own behaviour before blaming anyone else

I'd ensure he didn't have road rage or narrow-minded ideas

That he was brave, strong and funny.

That he put my feelings first 50% of the time

That hanging out with just me on Saturday night was sometimes all he wanted to do.

If all that came as a mixture, then I'd wrap that boy-dough up and bake it in a healthy relationship of goodness.

Sounds nice anyway..

176. Uber Apologies

I am so terribly sorry about the lack of posts this winter!

I am definitely back from hibernation.

Please, please, please accept this virtual drop of heaven as my token gesture - and sit back and get ready to read on!

175. Believe

Last night, someone I know really well, spent a great deal of time on the phone with a boy she has a little something going on with.

Like most girls, this friend of mine, can suffer from the odd bout of insecurity and so the topic of conversation for a day or so was - why her?

Why, out of all the gorgeous girls in the country.. why would he choose her?

She could be grumpy, they didn't live in the same town - hell, she was even older..

He told her very firmly "Don't question it. Just believe in it. It will take work. But I'll work hard at it. You'll work hard at it and then it will work. But never ever question it - just believe in it"

Best advice I have ever heard.

174. Chick Lit

Its cold in most of Australia; good weather to be wrapped up in bed with a book.


Here's my recommendation for the month... enjoy!

173. Long Distance Relationships

The LDR is often given a bad rap but actually I think it can work for awhile and sometimes even strengthen a relationship as it forces to you to be better communicators.

I do think it defintiely takes alot of work but then don't all good relationships worth the hard work?

Here are my Top 5 tips for surviving the distance..

1. Keep in touch throughout the day and night. Some texts, some emails, a facebook poke all let them know you are thinking about them throughout the day.

2. Nothing is too mundane. Swap stories about what you had for dinner, what time you are going to gym. This makes them feel part of your day to day life

3. Drunk dial them. You go to a club and then at the end of the night, you would usually go home to your lover. Calling them is second to that. Plus it eliminates any crazy fear that may have about you having met someone else whilst out. (this really can sneak in more often that not in a LDD)

4. Send them packages often. Love letter, or magazines or cards or choclates. Mail makes it more fun

5. Have an end plan. Even if its 5 years away. Having light at the end of the tunnel will make all the sucky parts easier

172. 5 Minutes Left

Country and western music is often mocked by the masses. But you know what - some of their lyrics are better than poetry and something to maybe sit up and take notice of.

Tim McGraw wrote and sang the below.. Imagine how loved up we would all be if we did as he said and lived like we were dying...


He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said

Chorus
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Verse 2
He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin' fishin, wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then

Chorus
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Shu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Bridge
Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

171. Winter Warmer..

With most of Australia experiencing really, really cold weather this winter.. its time to drag out a game or two that is guarenteed to make you warmer!


TIME BOMB
You need: A clock or an egg timer.

How to play: Pick a time interval -- 20 minutes, let's say. (If you're like us, even 10 minutes will be a change from the norm.) Whatever interval you choose, absolutely do not allow penetration until that much time has elapsed.

Why: Most busy couples have foreplay down to a science -- and a bare minimum as well. "Time Bomb" refocuses you on the pregame show, the part that used to be so much fun before you lived together. You'll be surprised by how much slowing down changes things. You get really creative. You'll get really hot.

170. Alcohol..

Here is some Thursday food for thought... does alcohol cause you to hook-up with your friend/flat mate/work mate?

Or does alcohol just push forward the feelings that were already there?

I'm interetsed to hear your thoughts - email me at therelationshipdoctor.com@gmail.com