Whether you “resigned” or were “fired” from your job as his girlfriend, employ an exit interview strategy to get the most out of your split.
No matter how your relationship ends, there’s usually that awful period where you incessantly ask yourself what went wrong. “Am I too needy? Is he commitment-phobic? Am I? Was it someone else? Did we move in together too early?”
Most of the time, it’s way too easy to blame yourself (or him) and never get any closure. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
So, why not find out for sure where it all went wrong? When you get retrenched from a job, any good company will give you an “exit interview”, which is where you sit down with someone from HR and suss out what went wrong and what worked. If all goes well, you leave with the important feeling of closure.
I suggest becoming your own HR rep and applying the principles of the job exit interview to your relationship break-up. You may come to realise that getting fired, or kicking someone to the curb, is not as bad as it seems.
To get you started, I've compiled some interview questions to put to your former “colleague”.
“What’s your main reason for leaving?”
This is usually the go-to question in any professional exit interview. It’s a way for HR to gauge who caused the “break-up” and what questions to ask next. It may be a tough one to start off with, though, as guys are squeamish about splits.
This first line of questioning encapsulates the beauty of the exit interview: you’re establishing a rational approach to the whole situation, rather than getting all emotional. Admittedly, it’s easier in theory, when all you really want to do
is throw various objects at his head.
“Did anything trigger your decision to quit?”
Even though this question might seem like the scariest one to ask, the response may surprise you. Imagine being asked this about your job. If you’re leaving, it’s probably because you knew it wasn’t working out and that something better may be on the horizon.
It works the same way in a break-up. Sometimes the trigger is obvious (“You slept with my best friend”, “I kicked you in the testicles”), and other times it’s a lack of chemistry. When you come to realise that you haven’t perpetrated some terrible offence that had him running, you’ll feel better.
“What was the best thing about your job?”
This, of course, is the complimentary portion of the interview. It’s where you learn what made you appealing as a girlfriend.
Whether it’s the integrity of your snuggliness, or confirmation about the sexiness of your signature move (admit it, you’ve got one), it’s always good to understand your strengths.
Plus, it’s nice to know what he’s thinking about when he’s missing you.
“The least enjoyable part of the role?”
No-one likes to have their annoying habits trotted out in front of them, but we must examine our weaknesses to understand our strengths. Maybe you have a punctuality problem. Perhaps you sprinkle the word “literally” too liberally in conversation.
Whatever it is that may have irked him about your personality, knowing you have those tendencies will only help you in the future. Just don’t get defensive, and understand that he, too, has his many faults. (Some of which may have, in fact, led to the break-up.)
